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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25203841">Baby Rick</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaganSavior/pseuds/NaganSavior'>NaganSavior</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Walking Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alexandria Safe-Zone (Walking Dead), Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Protective Negan (Walking Dead), Protective Rick Grimes, Sweet Negan (Walking Dead), Tooth-Rotting Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:20:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>37,608</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25203841</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaganSavior/pseuds/NaganSavior</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick transforms into a baby overnight and Carl, Daryl and Michonne feel desperate as they don't know how to deal with this situation. Negan goes to Alexandria for his tribute and decides- despite everyone's complaints- to take care of his arch nemesis until he is able to fend for himself again. Could baby Rick melt Negan's heart and bring these two together?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rick Grimes/Negan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>135</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Baby Rick?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carl woke up in his sleeping bag and groaned as light came directly to his eyes. He cleared them with his hand and looked around his room. It was sad how few things he had been left with. Since the Saviors appeared in their lives, they had been desperately trying to make them a miserable as possible. Others had way less than them but it still hurt that they had to be like that, but that was their situation right now. He knew better than to complain to his dad about it. Negan was making Rick's life extremely hard so he didn't need Carl on top of that complaining about things that he had no control over. Carl sighed as he remembered what day was today. Negan would be coming for his tribute again very soon. They had barely managed to make it once more and that because his dad had been going out there searching and putting himself in danger for Negan's tribute. </p><p>Carl got up and went to check on Judith who was still sleeping peacefully in her crib. Suddenly he heard a cry. Was he hallucinating things? Judith was sleeping so it couldn't be her. He followed the crying noise and it led him to Rick's room. What the hell was that? He opened the door to his father's room and instead of his father he saw a baby on his bed and being red faced from crying. </p><p>"Dad?!" Carl yelled but he got no answer. Instead the baby was continuing to cry. He looked at the kid more closely and it had brown hair and blue eyes exactly like...his dad. He took the crying baby boy in his arms and tried to calm him down. He went downstairs holding the baby and his father was nowhere to be seen. The baby's resemblance to Rick was remarkable but he couldn't be him right? That would be crazy. Carl took the walkie talkie from the kitchen table and pressed the talk button. </p><p>"Michonne get Daryl and come over our house now. It's emergency" he told her urgently. </p><p>---</p><p>"Who's baby is that?" questioned Daryl as soon as Carl showed them the baby. </p><p>"Don't know Daryl" said Carl as he bit his lip "I woke up and heard cries from Rick's room but instead of him I found this baby crying on his bed. Plus my father has disappeared"</p><p>Michonne frowned and took the baby from Carl's arms and looked at it. These piercing blue eyes were the same as Rick's. He even had little curls like Rick. </p><p>"Rick?" she asked the baby and he hummed as he grabbed her dreadlocks to play with. </p><p>Daryl couldn't believe that his best friend had turned into a baby. </p><p>"What are we going to do?!" he demanded to know. </p><p>Michonne sighed as she looked at the baby. </p><p>"Don't know how this is even possible. It's like he reversed into a baby again..."</p><p>Suddenly they heard someone banging on Rick's door with something that sounded a lot like a...bat.</p><p>"Shit" said Carl. Negan was here. </p><p>Daryl took him and hid Rick in the corridor's closet. </p><p>"Please Rick stay quiet" he pleaded him although it was crazy pleading a baby. </p><p>He closed the door behind him as they all took a deep breath and Michonne opened the door. </p><p>"Woah!" exclaimed Negan "didn't know you had a party over here. Why wasn't I invited?" he asked and laughed at their miserable expressions. </p><p>"I noticed you all had been missing and had to come see where you are" he continued as he examined them one by one. "Don't see Rick though. Where is my beloved Sheriff Deputy?" he asked. </p><p>"He is out on a run" Michonne intervened "he will be back late today". She really hoped he would drop the subject. </p><p>"Hmmm him missing when he knows that it's the day for a pick up simply won't do" he said as he frowned. </p><p>"He has been trying" growled Daryl at him. </p><p>Negan smirked at him and licked his lips as he noticed he had made him worked up. </p><p>"If he is trying or not ,it's up to me to decide" he said. </p><p>"Your tribute is ready" told him Carl "why don't you just take it?"</p><p>"Because I want to see Rick" Negan replied in anger as he was getting annoyed "think I'll stay here and wait for him to return so we can have a talk about him not being here when he knows damn well that I'm about...-"</p><p>Suddenly Rick started crying again in the closet. </p><p>Daryl paled at that as they were very screwed now. </p><p>"What was that?" demanded Negan as he looked at them suspiciously. </p><p>"Nothing" said Carl "my sister is probably crying upstairs"</p><p>"It didn't sound like a girl crying and it definitely wasn't from upstairs" Negan told him as his eyes focused on the closet and walked towards it. </p><p>"Please Negan!" the three of them cried out which only enhanced his suspicion. </p><p>He ignored them and opened the closet door seeing a baby boy crying his eyes out. </p><p>"I see Rick had been busy" he told them "he got a new baby? I thought that two kids were enough for him"</p><p>Carl, Michonne and Daryl didn't know what to tell him as they weren't sure what had happened. </p><p>"Start speaking" Negan ordered them. </p><p>"It's not a new kid" said Carl eventually "it's my dad. I woke up and found him laying on his bed. He had disappeared and there was this baby in his place"</p><p>Negan's face transformed to shock as his eyes widened. </p><p>"Are you joking kid?" he demanded to know. </p><p>"We don't know how it happened" said Michonne as she bit her lip. "Don't you see the resemblance with Rick though?"</p><p>Negan leaned down and looked at the baby. These blue eyes were the same as Rick's. Rick stared at him like he knew exactly who it was. </p><p>"This is crazy" he told them. Rick, a baby? </p><p>"We don't know how to reverse this" said Carl in frustration. </p><p>"He will be coming with me" Negan told them, surprising even himself. </p><p>"What?!" Daryl, Carl and Michonne said in unison. </p><p>"Yeah" said Negan as he took Rick in his arms "since he won't be able to work for me from now and on he will come live with me until whatever freaky thing happened, gets reversed"</p><p>"He is MY dad" Carl spat out. Baby or not, Rick was his father. Negan could may as well hurt him now that he was defenseless. </p><p>"You already have a baby to look after" Negan told him "we all know that Rick will be better at the Sanctuary"</p><p>"Better in what way?!" demanded Daryl as he had lived in the Sanctuary and he knew damn well how not better it was. </p><p>"In every way" Negan said annoyed. "Now I'll take it easy on you since that happened but I do expect you to be working. Or else poor Rick will pay the price"</p><p>"I'll kill you" growled Daryl as he moved threateningly towards him. </p><p>"Try it and Rick will die" he said to him. </p><p>"Daryl calm down" Michonne warned him. They couldn't risk Rick's life. </p><p>"Finally someone with logic in this room" said Negan. "I will be seeing you. Until then " Ta, ta" he told them as he left ,taking Rick with him.</p><p>Carl watched him helplessly leave and dropped himself to the couch as he sobbed hard. Michonne and Daryl tried to comfort him but there was nothing that could ease their pain right now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Adopted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan got to his car and Dwight looked at him confused as he saw the baby. </p><p>"Who's baby is that?" he asked. Couldn't believe that Negan was taking babies now. That was extreme even for him. </p><p>Negan sighed as he looked at baby Rick. </p><p>"He is Rick" Negan admitted at last "he reversed into a baby overnight"</p><p>"No way!" exclaimed Dwight as his eyes went from the baby to Negan and back again. </p><p>"Yes way..." answered Negan as he held Rick higher "Doesn't he look like Rick?"</p><p>Indeed this baby had a big resemblance to Rick but still, how could this be possible? </p><p>"I guess..." drawled Dwight very unsure "and why did you take him...?"</p><p>"Don't know" Negan let out a huff "he is still our enemy but I want to take care of him until he becomes himself again. His friends weren't happy at all"</p><p>"Maybe they should take care of Rick" Dwight said thoughtfully. If he had reversed into a baby he wouldn't like his enemies taking him away. </p><p>"Why you think I'm incapable?" Negan questioned as he raised his eyebrows. </p><p>"No I didn't say that" told him Dwight as he raised his hands in surrender "I just don't understand why would you want to take care of your enemy. The guy hates us and makes it very clear"</p><p>Negan sighed again and looked at Rick who thankfully was still calm. </p><p>"I will see how it will go. If I can't, I'll bring him back. I won't hurt him though, with adult Rick we had the biggest fights but I would never hurt a baby" he said and he meant it. He just had to make them believe that he would or else he had nothing to hold against them. No matter what had happened between him and Rick, now he had to keep him safe until he was back to his grown up self. </p><p>"Let's hope he gets back to himself soon" told him Dwight as he started driving to the Sanctuary. He was worried about baby Rick being at the Sanctuary. There were many who wanted to get their hands on Alexandria's leader. </p><p>"Yeah" Negan sighed as he looked at baby Rick. Who would have guessed that such a cute baby would grow up to be one of his greatest pains? </p><p>---<br/>
Negan gave Dwight a list of things that baby Rick would need and told him to try his hardest to get them. They were low on baby items but they would make it. At least the basics like a crib, some clothes and baby food existed. </p><p>Rick got scared when he heard the Walker's growls at their fence and Negan hurried up to get him inside. Adult Rick maybe was a badass at killing Walkers but baby Rick didn't have to see them. Negan hugged him against his chest and walked to his room. He had never spent such a long time with a baby again but he could make it. How difficult could it be? </p><p>It was noon by now and he bet that Rick had gotten tired because he started crying. Negan positioned him gently to his bed as there was a knock on his door. Who could that be? He didn't want to be showing baby Rick around in general. The fewer that knew about him the better. It turned out it was Sherry who had crossed her arms in front of her and was looking at him judgementally. She was also holding a baby bottle with milk. </p><p>Negan sighed as he let her in and closed the door behind him. She could deal with babies better than him. </p><p>Sherry walked towards the bed hesitantly. </p><p>"So...this is Rick Grimes?" she questioned. Dwight had told her but she thought it was some joke. </p><p>"Yep" answered Negan "the one and only"</p><p>Sherry sighed as she took him in her arms and started feeding him from the bottle as she supported his head. </p><p>"Poor baby,he had to be starving" she said as Rick was nursing at the bottle hungrily. They both watched him making sucking noises as he devoured the milk formula. Soon he started to drift off as tiredness got to him. Sherry removed the bottle from his mouth and deposited him softly at the bed so he could sleep. </p><p>She stood up and looked Negan worried. </p><p>"How is this gonna get reversed? Doesn't he have two kids?"</p><p>Negan sighed because he had no clue. </p><p>"Yes he does and I have no idea. Only time will tell..."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Baby-sitting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan had just finished putting the parts of the crib together and he was sweating since it didn't have a manual anymore and had to figure everything out on his own. Just then he saw Rick waking up from his nap. </p><p>He took Rick in his arms and walked him towards his new bed "look this is for you" he said as he showed him the crib. </p><p>Rick looked at it and when Negan tried to put him inside he started crying. </p><p>Negan frowned and picked him up again. He obviously didn't like it. Rick stopped crying as soon as he took him in his arms again. </p><p>"Why you have to be so stubborn even as a baby?" questioned Negan at Rick's distaste of his crib that he had put together with such effort. </p><p>Rick just stared at him with his intense blue eyes. </p><p>"Fine" Negan told him "we will try again later"</p><p>Negan had no idea what he could do to keep Rick entertained now that he had woken up. He usually didn't have to keep company to his guests since they just stayed in a dark place for a long time without him being required to spend time with them or he was making threats. With baby Rick he couldn't do either of these things. </p><p>Dwight had brought him some books for kids so he thought he could read him something. He picked up the first one randomly and laid in bed with Rick by his side. As he got them both comfortable, he saw Rick looking at him actually waiting to be read the story. Negan thought that he would have no interest at all. Rick rested his small head on Negan's shoulder. Negan swallowed hard at that and he felt a pang of guilt for what he had put adult Rick through and yet baby Rick was so trusting. </p><p>He tried to ignore his feelings and looked at the book. It turns out it was a simplified version of Finding Nemo with pictures of the movie. Negan started reading it as Rick was paying attention to the colorful pages. </p><p>"And Dory said: When life gets you down ,do you wanna know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..." Negan said in a sing song tone and Rick chuckled. </p><p>Negan smiled at him a bit, as he thought about how this was exactly what they both had been doing. They kept swimming despite everything they had been through. Now Rick had to keep swimming in order to become his grown up self again and not stay like that. He finished the story and Rick watched him closing the book and leaving it by his bedside. </p><p>Negan looked at him. </p><p>"Did you like the story?" he asked him. </p><p>Rick hummed and snuggled closer to him. Negan let him and he thought what would happen when Rick returned to his adult self. He bet he would be regretting the affection he had been showing him but he was just a baby. It was only natural to want affection.</p><p> Negan sighed as he thought about the situation that he had gotten himself into. 

"You are just irresistible, you know that?" he said to Rick as he took him in his arms. Rick was an adorable baby. He bet that Carl and Judith were equally cute as babies. The Grimes started from cute to badasses. It was their natural development he guessed. 

Rick let out a small laugh as he looked at him. The night was starting to fall outside and Negan got up to try once again to get Rick to sleep in his crib. He needed rest and a programme now that he was a baby. 

He tried to put him in the crib but Rick started crying again. He seemed to have a special dislike for cribs. 

"Ok no crib it is" Negan told him as he got the message that Rick didn't want to sleep there. 

Suddenly he smelled something. He must have pooped. 

"Pff this stinks Rick..." he said to him with a grimace as Rick chuckled happily. 

This definitely sucked to have to deal with, thought Negan ,but it had to be done. He removed the smelly diaper and decided to give him a shower. Rick needed it after a long day.  He dried him off and grabbed a pair of pyjamas with dinosaurs on them. The bath seemed to have relaxed him. Negan looked at the crib and then at his bed. He sighed as Rick definitely wouldn't be sleeping all alone in the crib. 

His bed it was.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. An unexpected visitor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan woke up late at night to Rick crying by his side. He turned on the lamp that was next to him and he took him gently in his arms. </p><p>"Hey" he told him as he cleared his eyes "what is wrong?" </p><p>Rick continued sobbing and Negan had no idea what could be wrong with him. Maybe he saw a bad dream like most kids did. He sighed and tried to comfort him as he hugged him. If he was an adult he could say what was the problem, now he had no idea as this Rick wasn't speaking yet. Negan checked the clock and it was three a.m. Rick was way past the appropriate bedtime. He couldn't ask for help from Sherry since she would be sleeping at this time. So he just stayed up with Rick trying to soothe him. One long hour later he managed to make Rick fall asleep again. He wished he would sleep the rest of the night now. </p><p>He turned off the light and laid back down again. </p><p>---<br/>
Negan woke up again to the sound of someone knocking. It was morning. He checked on Rick and he was still sleeping. </p><p>The knock on the door repeated more urgently. </p><p>"I'm coming, I'm coming" said Negan as he got up and opened the door. </p><p>He saw Dwight holding Carl by the arm and pushing him forward as soon as Negan opened the door. Carl looked at him annoyed and huffed. </p><p>"Found him climbing the fence" Dwight told him. </p><p>It was too early for Negan to get mad or punish Carl for trying to trespass the Sanctuary once again. </p><p>"Thanks Dwight. I will deal with him" he told him as Carl rolled his one eye. </p><p>Dwight nodded and left them alone. </p><p>"You seriously expected to not get caught?" Negan asked him curious "you are lucky it was Dwight who found you"</p><p>"I don't care" answered Carl as he crossed his arms in front of him "you took my dad. I want to see him"</p><p>Negan looked at him up and down as he sighed dramatically. </p><p>"It's been only a day" he drawled, but he let him in.</p><p>"You put him to sleep on your bed?" Carl asked incredously. </p><p>"Yeah, well babies cry as you must know by now. Enemies or not I can't oversee it and let him suffer" he told him as he shrugged his shoulders. </p><p>"Well at least he is ok..." said Carl as he didn't expect Negan to be taking care of his dad. He thought he would have given him to someone else to deal with. </p><p>"Hmm" said Negan as he took a still sleepy Rick in his arms. "Do you want to hold him?" he asked him. </p><p>Carl looked unsure but eventually he took him in his arms. It was very weird knowing that Rick used to be holding him as a baby and now he was doing the same. Carl sat down at the couch and felt his eye tearing up. </p><p>"What if he never gets to be my dad again" he said as he let some tears roll down his cheeks. </p><p>Negan sighed as he didn't have an answer to that. </p><p>"I am sure that he will become his grown up self sooner rather than later" Negan told him in an attempt to comfort him. He had no idea what would happen if whatever happened to Rick wasn't reversed. Would they have to grow him up and raise him from the beginning? Who would do that? Himself? There was no way he would become the Rick they knew if that happened. He would be someone else completely. Plus Negan was becoming too old to be playing someone's father and especially Rick's. When they only had some years difference, now there was a huge gap between them. </p><p>No matter how many times he wished he could make Rick to be on his side, now he had no mood to raise him up and brainwash him to be a Savior. He just wished he could be Rick again no matter how much of a pain he was. The issue was when and if this was gonna happen. He sighed as he looked at Carl and Rick. </p><p>"Now that you saw that he is ok, did you calm down?" he asked Carl. </p><p>Carl huffed frustrated. </p><p>"Well yeah, a little bit but I don't like him staying here" he answered. </p><p>"And where is better Carl? At Alexandria? You can barely take care of your sister as it is"</p><p>"He didn't like you" told him Carl dismissively "that won't change by taking care of him"</p><p>"Don't speak about him in past tense" answered Negan as he crossed his arms "I know that certain things won't change. You can come and see him though. With my permission of course and not trespassing again. Do you agree?"</p><p>Carl just looked at him and then his dad. He needed to make sure he was ok. </p><p>"Fine, let's do it your way" he muttered. </p><p>"Great, now that's settled ,let's eat breakfast. It is way too early to be dealing with all that..." said Negan as he picked up Rick who had woken up completely by now and was staring at them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Favor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Since you came all the way here, eat up kid" Negan told to Carl as there was a large variety of breakfast to eat from. </p><p>Carl sighed and decided to eat to forget all that had been bothering him. The food looked delicious either way. Negan prepared Rick's milk formula and he whined for Negan to make it faster. </p><p>"He is one of the most strong minded babies I've ever seen" said Negan to Carl who chuckled despite not wanting to. He couldn't help but feel proud of his dad. Even as a baby he had power over Negan. </p><p>Rick drank his milk from the baby bottle holding it on his own as Negan ate with the other hand. He was getting into parenthood fast as it seemed since he had to multitask in order to eat breakfast. But seeing Rick drinking the milk with his small hands holding the bottle, it was enough to make him think that this was worth it. </p><p>"So how are things in Alexandria?" Negan questioned. He didn't want them to get too relaxed now that he was occupied. </p><p>Carl let out a groan as he didn't enjoy this topic. </p><p>"They are trying to scavenge" he told him plainly "my dad was the best in that though"</p><p>"Hmm with or without Rick tell them that they need to continue normally" Negan told him. If he let them off the hook now, it would be a disaster. </p><p>Carl frowned at him but he nodded hesitantly. </p><p>"Fine..." he drawled "I will pass it on. Also I wanted to ask you something, a favor..."</p><p>Negan looked at him, what kind of favor could the kid want. </p><p>"Shoot" he told him. </p><p>"Well ermm-" started Carl "in two days it's Daryl's birthday and my dad had organised him a sort of party to celebrate it since he has ages to do so. Could you please let him be there?" he questioned. </p><p>A party? For Daryl of all people? God damn it, Negan thought. He couldn't trust them with baby Rick but then again he knew they were best friends. He should be there. </p><p>"You know the mutual hatred me and Daryl have..." said Negan. </p><p>"Well yeah, I'm not saying he will be happy but he would like Rick to be there even in this ermm... form"</p><p>Negan thought about it as he sighed. What's the worst that could happen? He knew that what could happen was to kill each other but then again Rick would like to be there for his best friend's birthday so he had to take him, he guessed. </p><p>"Ok, fine" he said "I'll bring him. But not for too long because he has to be sleeping as well"</p><p>"Thank you" answered Carl. He didn't know to Daryl how he would be saying it. Maybe it was for the best to keep it as a surprise so he didn't have time to decline. </p><p>Negan didn't know why he felt weird that Rick was organising a party. Only with him he was stone cold. For his friends he would do everything. Like organize a party in the middle of the apocalypse and behind his back. He bet he wanted to make Daryl happy, after all he had put him through. Which was exactly why it would be very awkward when Negan would show up to his birthday celebration. </p><p>He looked at Rick who had almost finished his milk and he reminded himself that he would be doing this for him. </p><p>Carl's eye caught up the kids books. </p><p>"Had you been reading to him?" Carl asked as he would never have expected Negan to be doing such things. </p><p>"Hmm yes, Finding Nemo" answered Negan "there are not many ways to keep him entertained"</p><p>"You do care about him" said Carl with a smirk. </p><p>"Don't get it over your head Carl" answered Negan as he blushed a bit. "I would do that for every kid" </p><p>But this one wasn't every kid. It was specifically Rick Grimes. </p><p>Negan sighed as he realised how much he was starting to care for baby Rick.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A painful goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan couldn't get that party out of his mind. He was almost never this anxious about something. He still had two days, this was not the time to be panicking. </p><p>When they finished breakfast, he told Carl to go visit his wives. Or at least whoever was at this time in their common room where they were sitting and having their drinks. Carl felt very weird to be seeing Negan's wives again with his dad present remembering the last time but they seemed like good persons. So he had no reason not to trust them around his dad. It turned out that only Sherry was awake by now. She was staring longingly out of the window. Negan cleared his throat and she looked at them smiling when she saw Carl. </p><p>"Carl, so good to see you again" she told him. Sherry was one of the nicest persons in the Sanctuary. Carl couldn't understand how she was keeping calm around Negan though. </p><p>"Hey Sherry" answered Carl "you too"</p><p>Sherry smiled at him and frowned when she saw Negan. At least he had brought baby Rick with him. </p><p>"How is Rick doing?" she asked. </p><p>"Ehhh-" said Negan unsure "yesterday he woke up in the middle of the night crying. Other than that he is fine-or as fine as one can be when he gets reversed into a baby"</p><p>"I am sure he will be back to normal Carl" said Sherry as she saw that Carl's mood had darkened. </p><p>"Yeah we will see..."  drawled Carl as he dropped himself to the nearest couch. Negan and Sherry looked at him worried. Carl's psychology was very vulnerable right now with all that's been going through. Baby Rick started crying and looking at Carl trying to reach him with his small hands. It was like he knew that Carl was stressing out. </p><p>Negan handed him over to Carl who gave him a tight hug. He really needed it right now. It made him feel that somehow his dad was still there with him. Which in a way he was, but he would like to have him back for real. Negan sighed as he looked out of the window. It's been only a day and they were all wrecked with this situation. </p><p>Dwight was passing by the room and saw Carl hugging baby Rick and Negan with Sherry looking at opposite directions. </p><p>"Hey...-" he said unsure and they all turned to him. So much for "dealing" with Carl. If someone else had tried to trespass their fence he would be getting punished right now, not sitting comfortably allowing him to be seeing his father. But honestly he could understand how tough this was for Carl so he didn't say something. </p><p>"Dwight" said Negan "can you take Carl back to Alexandria?"</p><p>"Sure ok...-" answered Dwight as he looked at Carl who's face darkened at that. He didn't want to let his dad. </p><p>"In two days you will see him again" said Negan trying to fix Carl's mood. </p><p>"Are you sure you're not gonna avoid coming?" questioned Carl as he had doubts that Negan would show up and bring his father as well. </p><p>Negan sighed as he took Rick in his arms again. </p><p>"Yes I'll bring him, I promise" he said. </p><p>"I'm counting on it" told him Carl as he got up. "Goodbye dad..." he said emotionally. He hated that he had to leave him there. </p><p>"He is gonna be fine kid" said Negan as he rocked baby Rick gently to try to fix his mood as well. Everyone in the room seemed depressed right now. </p><p>"Keep that in case he cries again" told him Carl as he removed the hat from his head that he always wore and gave it to him. He gave them one last glare and walked with Dwight to return to Alexandria. </p><p>Negan looked at the hat and then at Rick. He had no idea what he would do with this unbelievable situation...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you like it so far</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Rainy night</h2></a>
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    <p>Negan had been spending all day locked up in his room and didn't want to do anything else that had to do with the Sanctuary although technically he had to. He didn't want to leave baby Rick to anyone else and he had no mood to be showing him around in meetings etc. It would raise questions that he wasn't ready to answer. Like how Rick had reversed into a baby, what they would do with a leaderless Alexandria and many more...</p><p>He just wanted to focus on Rick until he was back to himself, everything else could wait. After they played a bit with some toys that Dwight had given him alongside the books, he decided to light up the fireplace in his room since it was starting to get pretty cold. He didn't want baby Rick to catch something and get sick. Soon the room got a nice warmth. Negan bathed Rick once again and put his pyjamas on. </p><p>"There you go,nice and clean" he told him as he let him to sit on the bed. </p><p>Rick stared at the fireplace and teared up. </p><p>"No Rick...-" said Negan pleadingly as he sat next to him "hey what's wrong?"</p><p>Rick was crying quite a lot since he came here and Negan didn't get why. He was trying his hardest to keep him happy. </p><p>He sighed as Rick was crying once more and he decided to give him Carl's hat. He took it with his tiny hands and stared at it. Negan didn't know what else he could do. He just hoped that eventually baby Rick would feel comfortable there. The grown up version definitely wouldn't want to stay with him and he would be trying his hardest to leave. Negan just knew it. Baby Rick couldn't leave but that didn't mean that he was happy either. Maybe he should give him back...? </p><p>"No, this will be like admitting you can't take care of him", Negan thought as he sighed. It would definitely look like a defeat on his part but then again was that the most important thing right now? He didn't think so. Rick was. Then there was that party. Daryl and everyone else would be mad when they would see him there. He had threatened all of them multiple times and he held Daryl as prisoner. Of course he wouldn't want him there. But now he had promised to go. </p><p>He was lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice that Rick stopped crying and crawled to him. Negan felt a tiny hand touching his leg and he looked down at Rick who was staring at him. He picked him up and gave him a hug. </p><p>"I've really been an asshole to you" he said to him. He dreaded the time when they would go back to being enemies. But that was life. At least he could enjoy some time pretending that Rick didn't hate him until he became his grown up self again.</p><p> "You will see your friends and family in two days, don't worry" Negan told him and realised that Rick had gotten sleepy. He put him gently to the left side of the bed and covered him with the sheets. It had started raining heavily outside and had thunders as well. Negan hoped they wouldn't disturb Rick's sleep. It looked like they wouldn't be an issue though as Rick fell asleep in a matter of seconds. </p><p>Negan looked outside at the rain and sighed to himself. He hoped that they wouldn't be too mad when he would show up at the party or at least try for Rick's shake. It was very different going to Alexandria for business and different showing up unannounced to a party for Rick's best friend. He laid to his bed and closed his eyes before looking at the baby one more time as the sound of the rain drifted him to sleep.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Daryl's birthday</h2></a>
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    <p>The big day was here. Negan was feeling very anxious about it. What he would be saying? What he would do? So many anxious thoughts in his head. He tried to keep them for himself and not transfer his worries to baby Rick since he didn't need to have extra things to be anxious over. The fact that he had reversed into a baby ,was enough. </p><p>Thankfully Dwight had found a lot of baby clothes so be could dress Rick warmly and he put on a blue hoodie that highlighted his eyes and a parka since the weather had gotten pretty cold. He felt like this was pre apocalypse were people would take their kids for dinners and parties or to hang out with their friends. All that seemed so far away right now. Negan sighed as he got dressed as well and he wore a sweater than his leather jacket. It was more warm and comfortable for this kind of weather. He decided to leave Lucille in his room but took a knife with him. You never knew when they would try to attack you although he hopped they wouldn't come to that. </p><p>He sighed and got Rick out of the Sanctuary as secretly as he could. He didn't wish anymore people to see him. Dwight and Sherry were enough. He put Rick at a baby seat that thankfully had been found unless he would worry way too much to put him in a car. When he got sure that Rick was secure, he got to the driver's seat and turned on the car's heat. It was only 8 o'clock but it was already night outside. He looked at Rick from the car's rear mirror and thankfully he was very calm as he was looking at the passing by trees. </p><p>Half an hour later he arrived to Alexandria and there was Carl at the gates waiting for him. He opened up eagerly when he saw Negan unbuckling his dad from the baby seat. Negan walked to him and smirked at him despite his nerves. </p><p>"See told ya I would come" he said although inside he was very anxious. </p><p>"Glad you did and look at him" he said as he took sight of baby Rick who was clearly well taken care of "he cleans up nicely for a baby" </p><p>"He sure does" Negan let out a small laugh as he had tried hard to make Rick look handsome for today. He was a very good looking baby either way but with that small hoodie he looked extra adorable. Negan gave him a comforting hug that wasn't missed by Carl. </p><p>"Have you been waiting all alone in the cold kid?" Negan asked him. </p><p>"Well yeah, I was wondering if you would show up" Carl drawled. </p><p>Negan sighed as he stopped walking. </p><p>"Do they know I'm here?" he asked him as his nerves had picked up. </p><p>"Yes, they were wondering were I was that day I came to the Sanctuary and had to tell them although I didn't want to..." he told him. </p><p>"And...?" questioned Negan. </p><p>"Well they weren't that happy but it's just some hours. They will get over it" Carl shrugged "please try to be nice to them, I'm begging you"</p><p>Negan averted his eyes. </p><p>"The only reason I'm doing this, is because of Rick" he said as he looked at him. "Let's go to the party" he continued. The quicker they went there, the quicker he could leave and go home "</p><p>Carl stared at him unsure of what to say and they walked to his dad's house. Music could be heard from inside and it was lit up. It was also decorated with balloons. It looked like how a normal party would be before the apocalypse. Carl let Negan in who quickly took in his surroundings. The house was full of Alexandrians who were having a good time and laughing. Negan noticed some looks of fear when they saw him but they didn't say anything. Daryl was talking to Michonne and frowned as he saw them although he and Michonne walked towards him. </p><p>"Daryl" said Negan very awkwardly "ermm- happy birthday" he told him. </p><p>Daryl just glared at him until Michonne poked him with her elbow to make him say something. </p><p>"Thanks" Daryl told him in a not so friendly tone. </p><p>"Look at this adorable baby"  intervened Michonne who was determined to act normally and not ruin the night. This was their chance to see Rick again and she wouldn't miss it. </p><p>Negan handed him over as Rick hugged Michonne. </p><p>"Missed you so much" Michonne told him as she hugged him tightly. "Look at him Daryl" she said to him and made Daryl take his eyes off Negan. </p><p>Daryl took him in his arms and he felt emotional seeing his best friend like that. Not only he was reversed into a baby, but their enemy was keeping him away from them. He knew though that Rick was behind this party so he would be willing to tolerate Negan for his best friend's shake. He took Rick and turned his back to Negan. Carl sighed frustrated and looked at Negan. </p><p>"Give them some time" he told him. It wasn't like Daryl would keep Rick there. He would have to give him back to Negan. </p><p>Negan huffed as he felt weird that Rick was taken away from him. </p><p>"Let's go bring my sister. She has to see him as well" Carl told him and Negan followed him upstairs. Noone seemed to pay him any mind either way. Carl led him to Judith's room. It felt like ages ago since Negan discovered that Rick had been hiding his daughter from him and now she was older than her father. Nothing about all that made sense. Carl picked her up and he saw Michonne entering the room holding Rick. </p><p>"It is noisy downstairs" she said "let Judith see him for a bit" she continued as she handed Rick to him. Judith looked at Rick with curiosity and walked with unsure steps towards him as they let them to the carpeted floor. </p><p>"Dada" she said as she attacked him with a hug. Baby Rick stared at her not knowing how to react. Negan felt a pang of guilt in his heart. Judith was still a baby herself. She needed her dad. What if she never got to get him back? He felt his eyes stinging as he thought about it. It hurted so bad to think of the worst case scenario were Rick was never reversed back to his grown up self. </p><p>Carl noticed Negan being unusually quiet and looked at him. </p><p>"Hey are you ok?" he asked worried. </p><p>"What?" asked Negan snapping out of it "yeah I'm fine" he told him when he most certainly wasn't. </p><p>Carl sighed as he looked at Judith interacting with Rick. She was being very gentle with him to not disturb him. </p><p>From downstairs there was music heard as most were having a great time ,unaware of how Carl, Negan, Daryl and Michonne were feeling.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Strong</h2></a>
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    <p>For the next hour Negan opted to stay as quiet as possible. He tried to keep a low profile so his time there could go on smoothly. They ate an admittedly very tasty cake that someone in Alexandria had made and Daryl offered him some although very reluctantly. Carl kept him mostly company as noone else seemed to want to talk to him. The kid had been very good to him despite the fact that he had taken his dad away from him.</p><p>Negan walked upstairs to search for Rick since someone had taken him again and saw Michonne sitting at Rick's bed and crying as she was looking at him. Negan hesitated as he thought that it would be for the best to leave her alone but it was too late since she saw him. She whipped the tears from her eyes and Negan sighed as he walked to the room. </p><p>"Were you two together?" he asked her although deep inside he didn't wish to know. He felt jealous despite not wanting to. </p><p>Michonne gave him a weird look and then focused on Rick. </p><p>"For some time yes" she answered "we parted though soon after the line up. I was thinking he was weak, he had lost all the things that made him " Rick" , the person I fell in love with"</p><p>"So you left him because of me? That's what you're saying?" Negan questioned as he crossed his arms in front of him. </p><p>"What do you want me to say Negan? You broke him down, you changed him. In all worst possible ways. That doesn't mean I don't care about him. I would gladly give my life and he knows it. Wish it would have been me that day"</p><p>Negan shook his head in denial. </p><p>"He is not weak" he told her abruptly as he took him from her "He is the strongest person in this place"</p><p>Michonne looked at him taken back by his sudden need to defend Rick. She sighed as Negan took Rick and left. It was getting late and he needed to get the hell out of there. </p><p>He saw Carl when he exited Rick's bedroom. </p><p>"You're leaving huh?" he asked disappointed. </p><p>"Yes Carl sorry but I can't stay longer. Plus Rick has gotten tired with everyone taking him around"</p><p>"Let me walk you to the gates" he told him although he was sad that his dad would be leaving. </p><p>Daryl saw Negan putting Rick's parka on and ran to them as they just exited the house. </p><p>"Carl can you give us a minute?" he asked. </p><p>Carl looked at them worried but he nodded and went back inside till they were finished hopefully "talking".</p><p>" What do you want Daryl?" Negan asked him. </p><p>"We need to talk about Alexandria" Daryl told him almost aggressively. </p><p>"What about it?" </p><p>"We can't go on like that" he told him exasperated "can't find enough things"</p><p>"Maybe you aren't trying hard enough!" Negan spat out. </p><p>"You really are that selfish ,huh?" Daryl told him as his hands turned to fists. If he wasn't holding Rick he would have attacked him by now. </p><p>"Try damn harder" Negan told him "end of discussion" he turned his back to him and left as fast as he could. </p><p>Daryl stood there frozen looking at him with anger. Carl got outside to bid Negan and his father goodbye and saw them already gone. </p><p>"Where is Negan?" he questioned. </p><p>"Don't talk to me about him" Daryl spat out venomously as he got back to the house. </p><p>Carl stood there in the cold weather wondering what the hell had gone so wrong in this world. He felt like noone understood him. He sat down at the grass as loneliness was starting to take control over him. </p><p>---<br/>
Negan got to his car and felt anger in his veins. What they wanted him to do? Just let them go free? His people would never accept that plus they needed Alexandria in order to survive. A god damn party had managed to make him feel way worse than he was feeling. </p><p>He was so lost in his thoughts that he had slowed the car down when suddenly something connected with the back window and Rick screamed as he started crying. Negan snapped his head and saw a Walker staring at Rick and growling with only a window separating them and two others coming their way. Negan ran over the one that was by Rick's window and speeded to get the hell out of there. Rick was terrified at seeing a Walker from this close. As soon as they were far away from them, Negan got out of the car and picked a very panicked Rick in his arms who was sobbing hard. </p><p>He could imagine how much that scared him. </p><p>"I'm so sorry Rick, so so sorry" he told him as he tried to calm him down. He had endangered him once again and he had given him a fright that he didn't think Rick would forget anytime soon. </p><p>Negan let some tears fall from his eyes as he hugged Rick in the dark empty road.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Missing</h2></a>
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    <p>Negan woke up to the sound of the walkie talkie. Someone was trying to speak to him. The sky had grey clouds outside. He had tried very hard to calm Rick yesterday after what the poor baby had to experience. The grown up version knew very well how to deal with Walkers, baby Rick shouldn't have seen that though. He just wished that he didn't get traumatized or something. If he was going faster this wouldn't have happened. He turned on the walkie talkie. </p><p>"Yes?" he asked hesitantly. Who could that be first thing in the morning? Thankfully Rick was still sleeping. </p><p>"It's Daryl" he heard a tired voice telling him. Negan didn't want to speak to him right now. Yesterday was more than enough. </p><p>He sighed to the walkie talkie. </p><p>"What do you want Daryl?" he demanded. He thought they said what they had to last night. He wasn't willing to stop the tributes and he had made it clear. </p><p>Negan heard him swallowing hard at the walkie talkie. </p><p>"Is Carl there?" he questioned not sounding happy at all. </p><p>"Carl? No of course he is not here. Why would he?" Negan questioned as Daryl calling him about Carl was very weird. </p><p>"He didn't sleep here..." drawled Daryl very unsure. </p><p>Negan blinked at that as he stood up. </p><p>"Where did he sleep?"</p><p>"Don't know. He is nowhere. Not at his house, not at Alexandria and not at Hilltop. I asked everyone and radioed Hilltop. Thought that he might have come there again"</p><p>Negan started pacing back and forth in his room at these news.</p><p>"No he didn't come here. Are you telling me that he is gone?"</p><p>Daryl sighed on the other side of the line. </p><p>"I don't know" he told him. </p><p>"How the hell don't you know?! Isn't he your responsibility?" he said as he raised his voice. </p><p>"Forget it ok?" said Daryl in anger. He shouldn't have called him. </p><p>"Forget that Rick's son has gone missing?!" Negan half shouted at him. The only thing that was keeping him to not have a full blow out was the fact that Rick was still sleeping. He bet that he wouldn't be calm either. </p><p>"I will find him" told him Daryl annoyed by Negan's outburst. </p><p>"I am coming from there" Negan told him "we will find him or someone will have to pay, maybe you" he added coldly. </p><p>"Go to hell Negan" replied Daryl as he turned off the walkie talkie. </p><p>Negan threw it to the wall with anger as someone knocked on the door. </p><p>He took a deep breath to calm down a bit and opened. It turned out it was Sherry. </p><p>"Negan what are you doing?" she demanded "you can be heard from some corridors away"</p><p>"Daryl called me to say that he has no idea where Carl is" he told her exasperated "and he told me to forget it"</p><p>"What do you mean he has no idea where he is?" she questioned. The last thing they needed was Carl to get hurt as well. </p><p>"Don't know, I have to go from Alexandria though now" he told her as he grabbed his clothes "can you please look after Rick?"</p><p>"Ok..." said Sherry "go find Carl"</p><p>Negan nodded as he looked at baby Rick. He would never be able to look him in the eyes again if anything happened to Carl. He was very angry with Daryl. He should have been looking after them. This wasn't something he could just forget. </p><p>He hopped that Carl didn't do something reckless out of despair. He sighed as he walked out of his room taking Lucille with him.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Search for Carl Grimes</h2></a>
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    <p>Negan parked his car outside of Alexandria just in time to see Daryl leaving. He got out and ran to him. </p><p>"Hey, where do you think you're going?!" he demanded. He was so angry with Daryl. Carl was his responsibility. </p><p>Daryl thought that he could have been gone before Negan arrived at Alexandria. He was wrong apparently when he saw him coming his way with Lucille in his left hand. </p><p>"I am going to look for Carl. Leave me the hell alone" he told him annoyed. </p><p>"Leave you alone?" chuckled Negan humorlessly "if we don't find him, I don't even know yet what I'll do to you"</p><p>"Do tell me" huffed Daryl as he got into Negan's personal space "lock me up again? Bash my head in with the god damn bat?"</p><p>"You don't get to lecture me" Negan spat out "what the hell happened last night? He wouldn't disappear unless something happened"</p><p>"He just asked where you are since you decided to run away instead of facing me like a man" Daryl told him as he crossed his arms "and told him that I wasn't in the mood to talk about you"</p><p>Negan did remember that the kid wanted to take them to the gates and he didn't let him say goodbye to his dad since he left in a hurry. Maybe he got upset with all that had happened and decided to leave. </p><p>"You couldn't have kept your frustrations about me for yourself huh?" told him Negan exasperated. </p><p>"Do you think I want him to get hurt or worse killed?" Daryl said as he felt his eyes stinging. He already felt horribly he had acted like that yesterday. It was like he had dismissed Carl's feelings. </p><p>"I don't know what to think ok?" said Negan equally frustrated "I want Rick to get back to himself and Carl to be found. I'm done arguing, let's go search for him" he told him as he started walking not even caring if Daryl would follow or not. </p><p>Daryl sighed and he rubbed his head but he decided to go with him. Two would be better looking for Carl. Where could this kid have decided to go? </p><p>---</p><p>"Carl! Carl!" Daryl was shouting for over an hour now. Negan had a silent approach ,but he didn't stop him from yelling Carl's name. It seemed like they were walking around aimlessly. The clouds had become darker above their heads and it was cold. Negan didn't understand why Carl would choose to be out there than in his warm home. But he didn't know as much as he thought about Carl either way. </p><p>Suddenly he realised the area they had found themselves into. It was where he had almost forced Rick to cut Carl's arm off and after that he had taken Daryl. He sighed as he remembered how much Rick had been crying and begging him. Intimidation technique or not he wished he had never put them through all that. Some steps away and he saw the clearing where all that happened. His mind recreated the scene all over again. But instead of seeing everyone again standing there awaiting for the crap he had put them through he saw someone laying on the ground wearing a hoodie and jeans. </p><p>Daryl took in a sharp breath as he remembered this place as well and then he saw the person that was laying down and ran to him. Negan followed behind him. It turns out that it was Carl who had curled up and was mumbling things that they couldn't understand. He seemed to be in pain,they couldn't tell if it was physical or emotional.  </p><p>"Oh my God Carl" said Daryl as he felt his forehead "he is burning up" </p><p>Negan grabbed Carl's hands and were frozen as well. If he had spent the whole night laying on the ground that would explain a lot of things. </p><p>He removed his leather jacket and covered him as Carl was continuing to mumble things. He took him in his arms, they had to get him back. </p><p>"Let's return to Alexandria" he told Daryl as he started walking.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Gone but never forgotten</h2></a>
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    <p>Negan was sitting by Carl's bed. The kid had gotten sick by spending so many hours laying on the cold ground. He didn't understand why he went to this place particularly. Although he did get the connection it had to his father. Carl had even told Rick that it would be ok if he did cut his arm that day as he was trying to calm his desperate father. He had to bring Rick often for Carl to see him, he got now how rough it had been to keep them separated. Baby or not, he was still Rick. </p><p>Carl blinked his one eye and he let out a cough. He saw a worried Negan sitting beside him. He was laying in bed with blankets covering him. He remembered being cold but he couldn't move. All he wanted to do was keep sobbing. He wanted to face palm himself at how weak he had been. </p><p>"Carl, how are you feeling?" questioned Negan, interrupting his thoughts. </p><p>"I'm fine" he told him although it was far from the truth. </p><p>Negan sighed frustrated. </p><p>"You are not fine Carl. Your dad got reversed into a baby, a guy you hate - me - took him away and you're clearly suffering, so don't bullshit me that you're fine"</p><p>"I don't hate you -" drawled Carl "I mean I don't particularly like you but I don't hate you"</p><p>Negan let out a small chuckle at that. </p><p>"Jeez thanks kid..." he said as Carl smiled a bit. </p><p>"Hope you didn't kill Daryl" said Carl with concern "he has been through enough as well, don't be mad at him..."</p><p>"No, I didn't but it's his responsibility to keep you safe" said Negan as he huffed. </p><p>"It's not his fault" Carl sighed "I left on my own"</p><p>"What were you doing in that place Carl? Why go back there? I imagine you don't have the best memories with me almost making your dad cut your arm off"</p><p>Carl looked at his bed covers feeling lost. </p><p>"Don't know what I was thinking. The road just led me there and I remembered everything that happened. He would do it despite the fact that it was killing him. If you hadn't stopped him. I was at peace with him doing it despite the fact that I could die from the blood loss. Now he is the defenseless one and I'm not ok with it"</p><p>"I wasn't gonna make him do it, I took it way too far" mumbled Negan "your dad is an extraordinary human being. Loyal, fiercesome, ready to do anything for the people he cares about. Way better than I'll ever be. Don't know what will happen Carl but I promise you that no harm will come to him, not ever again" he told him seriously. Even if he did have to raise Rick up from the beginning he would do it without complaints or forcing him to be a Savior. He owed him that much. </p><p>Carl coughed and he had tears in his eye. He was still with a fever. </p><p>Negan sighed as Carl's health wasn't the best. </p><p>"You have to rest and as a reward I'll bring your dad to spend time with him ok? Can you do that for me?" Negan pleaded him. "Please Carl no more running away"</p><p>Carl looked at him and he sighed. </p><p>"Ok, I promise" he said as he felt exhaustion overtaking him. </p><p>"Thank you Carl" he heard Negan saying softly as he closed his eyes and fell asleep again. </p><p>---<br/>
It was afternoon by the time Negan returned. He told Daryl to not let Carl out of his sight. Things between them were very tense but he hopped that they could come to a solution eventually. </p><p>Sherry had been playing with Rick and she was worried about Carl. She calmed down a bit when Negan told her that he was found but he had gotten sick, which was not good. Negan picked Rick from the floor and hugged him. </p><p>"Your son is safe Rick" he told him "he is gonna be ok and you two are gonna be spending time together" </p><p>Rick rested his head on his shoulder like he was relieved by the news. Negan wondered how much he really understood.<br/>
But no matter if he got what he was saying or not he felt the need to be talking to him. </p><p>Negan looked at him in his blue eyes. </p><p>"I never got to tell you about Lucille Rick" he said "No, not the bat. My-" Negan hesitated "-wife. The only person I really loved, my wife before the apocalypse. She was so loyal and always wanted to do the right thing. I believe she would have kicked my ass as well if she saw me now" he chuckled bitterly.</p><p>"She would have liked you and your family. You have many things in common actually. It wouldn't have surprised me if she got by your side instead of mine and no it wouldn't be because she hated me..." he told Rick feeling emotional. "No matter what Rick ,I'll try to not let you down again"</p><p>Rick rested his small hand on top of Negan's. </p><p>"Neg" he let out as he couldn't say his full name. Negan teared up at that. It was the first thing Rick was saying and it was his name. </p><p>"Yes that's me..." Negan mumbled as he picked him up again for a hug.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Neg</h2></a>
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    <p>"You are so precious Rick, you know that?" said Negan as he had tears in his eyes. "I don't know how long it will take or if it will be in this or the grown up version, but I'll try to repay you for everything I've put you through and maybe, just maybe, one day you will be able to forgive me" he mumbled feeling emotional. </p><p>"Neg" repeated baby Rick as if agreeing with him. Negan was very emotionally overwhelmed by the whole day with Carl gone missing and Rick saying his name made him even more emotional, but in a good way. </p><p>Negan sighed as he whipped the tears from his eyes. </p><p>"We are gonna make it Ricky" he said to him "you will be ok in the end, I promise you that. It's me and you in this little buddy"</p><p>Negan stood up and walked to the window as it had gotten dark outside and there were stars shown in the sky. All this time and he had never took a minute just to look at them. They were brighting so much. Rick rested his head on Negan and looked at them as well. </p><p>"I would like to think they are up there" told him Negan quietly "Lucille and your wife, Carl's mum. You'd think that such brave women could have earned a spot amongst these stars. I often wonder if they can see us..." he continued. </p><p>Rick hummed and continued looking at them. It was great just sitting and staring at them. He just wished everything would turn out ok in the end. Negan sighed and turned his back at them to get Rick ready for sleep. </p><p>---<br/>
It's been two weeks since Rick reversed into a baby. Negan couldn't believe how fast this time went by and although he was anxious that Rick would never become himself again, he found himself enjoying every second he could spend with baby Rick. The crib was long forgotten as now Negan refused to sleep without the baby by his side. It calmed him down and Rick seemed more calm as well. So he didn't even try to put him in the crib again.</p><p>Only Dwight and Sherry knew the truth about Rick. He was avoiding to be showing him around as amongst the Saviors were people that would want to harm Rick. He made a scavenging trip on his own and discovered a very well reserved IKEA that not many things were already taken. He found so many stuff for Rick and he started to rearrange his bedroom. He wanted to make it more kid friendly as Rick was spending most of his time there. If he didn't reverse back to himself, he would make up a story that he was a random kid he had found. Noone would know that this was Rick Grimes, their enemy. </p><p>Negan's time now was spent between Rick and Alexandria. Carl was still forced to stay in bed but thankfully his health had been going better. </p><p>"Wow he looks so grown up" Carl said in awe as they were sitting at his room. </p><p>"I know right?" said Negan as he gave Rick to him "he is growing up fast"</p><p>Carl looked at his dad who was sucking a blue pacifier. Rick had started to have tooth pains as they were growing up and Negan had found a pacifier for him. It sucked that he had to go through several painful periods of growing up all over again but there was nothing they could do to prevent that. </p><p>"Yet he is still a baby..." drawled Carl disappointed. He thought that somehow Negan would bring his grown up dad back. </p><p>"I know Carl..." answered Negan "wish there was a way to undo what happened but it appears that if it's gonna happen, it will happen on it's own time. We can't make him get back to himself"</p><p>Carl let out a cough and handed Rick back to Negan. </p><p>"How have you been holding up kid?" he asked him. </p><p>Carl readjusted himself on the bed and looked at him. </p><p>"I'm sick of staying inside. I want to go out, scavenge"</p><p>Negan sighed. This had been one big argument they had. He was seeing Daryl going out, because he had to, mind you and he wanted to go as well. </p><p>"Carl you need to get well again. Leave the scavenging..."</p><p>"But I want to help" Carl whined "why Daryl is forced to and I can't?"</p><p>"Daryl knows well what will happen if he doesn't continue what Rick had been doing" said Negan frustrated. Daryl had been extra angry and aggressive towards him. Negan got that he was still mad that he had locked him up but if he didn't want to outrage his people, the tributes had to continue. </p><p>Carl had no job to be going out though. He was just a kid and he was already put himself in danger once. Rick had been saying the same things as far as he knew. </p><p>"Fine..." said Carl with a grumble. </p><p>"Great" told him Negan "now that's settled, let's play Uno, I've seen you have one"</p><p>"Not in the mood Negan" Carl said in a whiny tone as he shook his head negatively. </p><p>"You are just afraid you will lose" answered Negan as he smirked and gave Rick a knowing glare ,who let out a small chuckle in return. </p><p>Carl looked at them as his cheeks turned to a shade of red. </p><p>"Finee" he said exasperated "let's play. First drawer to your left"</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Kidnapped</h2></a>
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    <p>Carl gave up after Negan won three times in a row at Uno and he told him that they wouldn't be playing again, but Negan knew that he was only saying that because he beat him. Either way the kid had to sleep as well, so he and Rick bid him goodbye, Rick by a hug and left him to rest. </p><p>"Bet you get bitter as well when you lose and Carl got it from you" Negan told Rick as he smirked to which baby Rick squealed happily. Negan chuckled and he wished that grown up Rick was there they could play together the three of them.  Rick had gotten pretty tired as well when Negan strapped him to the baby seat. He would put him for a nap when they returned and play later on. Negan had found some great games for babies. Rick needed to be as active as possible, it would do him no good to be sitting all day without doing anything. Plus Negan really enjoyed teaching him things, so it wasn't something seen as a burden. </p><p>Negan started driving back to the Sanctuary when he saw a black car blocking their way. He furrowed his brows. This was definitely not there when he was driving to Alexandria. He looked at Rick who had closed his eyes at the baby seat and got out of the car to see what he could do. He walked cautiously towards it holding Lucille in his hands. There was noone inside. How the hell would he move it so he and Rick could continue driving? Maybe he should go back to Alexandria and get someone to help him. </p><p>When he turned his back to the left out car, someone hit him hard with a shovel in the head and everything around him turned to black. </p><p>Negan groaned as he opened his eyes. He was tied up to a dark room. Suddenly someone opened a door and he blinked several times as light came straight to his eyes. He remembered that someone had knocked him out and he felt his heart beating fast. The left out car was a set up. His eyes adjusted to the light and he saw Jadis standing above him with hatred in her eyes. She was also holding Lucille. </p><p>"What the shit Jadis?" he demanded. </p><p>Jadis didn't say a word to him and started dragging the trolley she had tied him on .

"What the hell do you want from me?!" Negan spat out again. 

Rick was nowhere to be seen. Negan felt his heart beating fast as she continued dragging him. He realised he was at the Scavengers junkyard which was smelling way worse than usually. A lot like death. </p><p>Jadis had the look of a killer and didn't seem she was gonna to let him free. Negan swallowed hard as he was very screwed. </p><p>He had to get out of there soon and find out where baby Rick was. She would pay dearly if she had done something to him.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. I am sorry</h2></a>
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    <p>Jadis sat down with Lucille resting on her shoulder. Negan was desperate to find out where was Rick though. </p><p>"What did you do to the baby?!" he spat out in anger. </p><p>Jadis snapped and brought Lucille inches from his face. Negan didn't flinch but looked at her and he could see the rage in her eyes. </p><p>"Shut up or I will bash your head in right here and now" she said with venom in her voice. She looked ready to tear up. </p><p>"What the hell happened to you?" Negan asked more calmly as he wouldn't get anything being angry or he would - to get killed. </p><p>Jadis took a shaky breath and sat down again. </p><p>"Why are you asking?" she demanded as her eyes had turned red "to mess with me even more?"</p><p>"No" answered Negan "I don't know what happened. Whatever you think I did, I didn't"</p><p>"You ordered Simon to slaughter my people" she spat out raising her voice. </p><p>Negan swallowed hard at that. Son of a bitch, he thought. He specifically told him not do things like that and he ignored him. </p><p>"I didn't order him to do that, he did it on his own" Negan shook his head in denial and in anger. </p><p>Jadis let out a chuckle at that as she looked at Lucille with hatred. </p><p>"You and your goddamn bat Negan" she said with rage "I should have never betrayed Rick"</p><p>"Hey snap out of it and hear me out" told her Negan "I'm capable of many things but not this. I'm telling you that he acted on his own. You caught the wrong guy. Now tell me what did you do to the baby before I lose my patience!" he spat out. If anything happened to Rick he would kill her slowly and painfully. So painfully that she would regret the time she laid hands on him. </p><p>"You are the only one here" she spat out "what baby are you talking about?"</p><p>That meant that Rick was left all alone in the car where anyone could get him or worse get killed. </p><p>"If you don't untie me right now, you will regret it!" he told her. He had to save Rick. That's the only one that mattered to him. If he died there would be nothing left. </p><p>"I should kill you, you mean" Jadis yelled at him "give me one good reason I should let you go free"</p><p>Negan tried to release himself but the rope was too tight. His eyes teared up, as with every passing moment, Rick was getting in a bigger danger. </p><p>"Rick reversed into a baby" he admitted at last "two weeks ago. I took him and I've been growing him up since then. He is still in the goddamn car I was driving before you caught me. If you don't let me go, he will die" he said as he couldn't control his tears anymore. </p><p>Jadis eyes widened at that. </p><p>"What stories are you making up huh?" she demanded "Rick Grimes is a baby and you want me to believe that you are taking care of him? Remember what were you saying to me about him, the widow and the king?"</p><p>"I have changed goddamn it" Negan snapped at her "if he dies, I have nothing left. Please get me to him and then do whatever you want to me ok? Just please I want him safe. You lost everything, for me that baby is my everything now. Yes he happens to be my enemy. So what? He did so much for you, do something for him now!"</p><p>Jadis was at a loss. There was a huge possibility he was lying but then again that story was too crazy to have thought it right now. </p><p>She pulled out a knife and walked close to his face. </p><p>"If you are lying I'll gut you with that knife, understand?"</p><p>Negan swallowed dryly "yes, I understand"</p><p>---<br/>
Jadis drove him with the car that she had set him up with. </p><p>"Please hurry the hell up" said Negan in despair. </p><p>She shot him a glare but drove faster. Negan almost had a heart attack when he saw the car. It had walkers outside it who were trying to get in and he could hear Rick screaming and crying. </p><p>Negan grabbed Lucille from Jadis and didn't even bother to wait for the car to stop. </p><p>There were ten Walkers outside of the car. He yelled out in rage as he started bashing their heads. Jadis killed three with the knife and Negan made sure they were all completely dead. </p><p>Rick was red from all the crying. Negan got him out of the car and hugged him more tight than ever before as tears streamed down his cheeks. </p><p>"I'm here Rick, I'm here" he told him. If he was late a little bit longer they would have gotten to him. </p><p>Negan felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack as Rick continued to sob hard. He sat down at the road as he held Rick in his arms. </p><p>Jadis was feeling lost as she looked at them. He was indeed Rick Grimes and he almost got killed. </p><p>"Negan I-" she started. </p><p>"Leave me the hell alone Jadis. Go! Now!" he ordered as he tried to catch his breath again. </p><p>Jadis shot them both a glare but she got to her car and left without saying anything else. </p><p>Negan cried his eyes out as soon as she left. Without Rick his life was over. </p><p>"I'm here baby, I'm here" he repeated between sobs "I'm sorry Rick. I'm so damn sorry"</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Failure</h2></a>
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    <p>Negan sat at the driver's seat hugging Rick and he lost the sense of how much time had passed. The tears had dried on both his and Rick's face as they had finally started to calm down. Rick had almost become Walkers meal twice already and it was all because of him. His anger, trusting the wrong people... It all came back to him. He could only blame himself. Rick was still red faced and very shaken. That was it. He would give him back to his family. He was unworthy to protect him. Plus he had no idea that Simon had slaughtered innocent people and kids, if he found out about Rick he would put him in even greater danger. No matter how much it gutted him to have to say goodbye, that's what he had to do. </p><p>"I've failed you Rick" he said as fresh tears appeared in his eyes "I'm not what you need, truth be told, I never was. But thought that maybe, just maybe, I could make things right for you. What you need is your family though and I have to realise that I'll never be part of it" </p><p>Negan got out of the car and he put Rick in his baby seat. He closed the back door, whipped his tears and turned the car to Alexandria. It was time to give Rick back. </p><p>---</p><p>𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙍𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙂𝙧𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨? </p><p>Many angry Alexandrians had gathered outside Carl's house asking one thing and that was "where is Rick Grimes". Daryl and Michonne were trying to find excuses two weeks now ,but people's patience was running thin. </p><p>"He left us all alone to the Saviors!" some yelled out. </p><p>"Hey shut your mouth!" said Daryl aggressively. This situation was beyond explaining. </p><p>"Where is he then Daryl?" some intervened. "He left, just admit it!"</p><p>"I...-" started Daryl who didn't know how to calm them down. </p><p>Suddenly they heard a bat getting hit hard against metal and turning around they saw Negan, who was holding a baby in one arm,Lucille in the other and looked very angry. </p><p>"If I hear anyone talking about Rick again, heads will roll. This is a forbidden subject from now and on" he spat out as many flinched back scared. "Now clear the hell up and to not see you outside Grimes house again or making riots" Negan ordered , as he raised Lucille. </p><p>A lot shook their heads at the unfairness of it all but left as noone wanted to go against Negan right now. Negan glared at them as they all left to go to their own houses and he scoffed. Rick had done so many things for these people and they were ungrateful shits. </p><p>"What are you doing here again?" Daryl demanded as he crossed his arms in front of him. "Thought you went home"</p><p>"Stuff happened" said Negan as he kicked the dirt under his boots "Rick is gonna stay here"</p><p>Daryl's eyes widened at that. </p><p>"What? Why?" he asked. </p><p>"You got a problem?" told him Negan ,as he furrowed his eyebrows. </p><p>Daryl scoffed at that. What happened that changed Negan's mind? He didn't even want to hear leaving Rick at Alexandria. </p><p>"No, of course I don't have a problem. He is my best friend. Didn't want you to take him in the first place"</p><p>Negan got closer to his face. </p><p>"You only have one job from now and on. No tributes or scavenging. You will take care of the kids. All three of them. If I find out one got hurt, you will pay, understood?" Negan told him menacingly. </p><p>"Don't threaten me Negan" Daryl told him dismissively as he let out a huff. Negan thought that they were all his submissives. </p><p>"Tell me that you get what I'm saying!" Negan spat out, aware that he was still holding Rick. </p><p>Daryl raised his hands in surrender. </p><p>"Yeah fine. I understand" he said at last. </p><p>"Good" said Negan coldly, as he handed him Rick. If he stayed any longer, it would be impossible to leave him and go. </p><p>Daryl looked at Rick and he seemed shaken. Who knows what happened for Negan to make such decision. He was clearly incapable to take care of him and it was time he realised it. </p><p>Negan turned his back at them, to get his car and drive back to the Sanctuary. Rick let out a cry behind him and tried to reach for him with his small arms. Negan felt a terrible pang of pain inside him ,but he didn't dare to look back. </p><p>Now there was only one thing he had to do. Make Simon pay.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Losing it</h2></a>
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    <p>Negan went to a cabin he had been keeping for an emergency and this was the emergency. Simon had been playing games behind his back this whole time. Tomorrow he had to deal with him but he needed to think first how he would act. Negan sighed as he removed his leather jacket and laid down in a single bed that the cabin had. His mind drifted to baby Rick. His eyes were stinging at the thought that he had given him back. He missed him already so damn much. He let his eyelashes close as he drifted himself to a very anxious filled sleep. </p><p>He was seeing the scene with Rick in the car all over again. With the Walkers growling outside the window. He was helpless, he couldn't move to go save him. His body had paralyzed. The baby was screaming and crying, but he couldn't go to him no matter how much he wanted to. </p><p>"Rick! Rick!" he yelled out but it was useless. The growls were getting louder overshadowing the baby's cries. Negan fell to his knees on the road as he sobbed hard. He couldn't keep him safe. He would die because of him. Jadis voice was echoing in his head that he had allowed Simon to slaughter her people. His tears rolled down his cheeks and fell to the concrete road. Suddenly someone grabbed his face roughly and forced it upwards. There was adult Rick right in front of him, looking at him with disgust and rage in his blue eyes. </p><p>"You killed me Negan!" he spat out "you told me you'd protect me!"</p><p>Negan looked at him with tear in his eyes. </p><p>"I'm sorry, I wasn't enough..." he sobbed. </p><p>"You are always thinking about yourself" continued Rick with rage "you didn't care about Carl's feelings when you took me from him. You let him think that you would harm me and guess what, you did"</p><p>Negan sobbed harder and Rick grabbed his face rougher. </p><p>"You did this" Rick told him with pure disappointment "you failed me Negan"</p><p>"Negan wake up!" someone told him urgently as he shook him by the arm. </p><p>"What is wrong with him??" he heard another voice saying with worry. </p><p>"Don't know" replied the first voice that was heard. </p><p>Negan opened his eyes blurrily and saw Daryl and Carl standing above his head, looking very worried. </p><p>He sat up quickly and he felt his head aching. </p><p>"Ouch" he grunted in pain. </p><p>"Take it easy Negan" told him Daryl. </p><p>Negan looked around him and he was at the Grimes household laying at their couch. Wasn't he in the cabin? How did he get here? </p><p>"How did you got me from the cabin?" he asked them.</p><p>"What cabin Negan?" questioned Daryl as he sighed. "After threatening me to take care of Rick and the kids, you went to leave and you collapsed on the ground. You hit your head. I brought you in" </p><p>Carl coughed as he sat down beside him. </p><p>"Are you ok Negan?" he asked him. </p><p>"No I'm not" muttered Negan very confused "I'm losing it"</p><p>Carl looked at Daryl worried by Negan's behavior. </p><p>"Can you tell me why you were acting like that earlier?" Daryl told him "you know I wasn't agreeable with you taking Rick but Carl told me you were taking good care of him, so what changed and you were so aggressive?"</p><p>Negan laid back down and looked at them both. His head was still hurting. </p><p>"Jadis caught me when I left from here earlier and told me that Simon slaughtered all her people" he said as his eyes were stinging again "Rick had been left alone in my car and I begged her to let me go in order to get to him. Eventually she did and Rick...- the car was surrounded by Walkers and he was screaming and crying. If I was a little bit more late he would have died"</p><p>So that was why he was saying all that about Rick earlier, thought Daryl. It all made sense now.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Once upon a time...</h2></a>
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    <p>Negan was watching baby Rick sleeping in Judith's crib as she was playing with Daryl downstairs. Carl and Daryl had told him to stay for the night since he had hit his head. It wouldn't be the best to be driving in his situation. Negan sighed as he didn't know how he would be dealing with Simon and what he had done. </p><p>Carl entered Judith's room and looked at them both. </p><p>"How are you kid?" questioned Negan. </p><p>"It's just a cold Negan" said Carl "it'll pass soon"</p><p>Negan nodded and his eyes focused on Rick again. </p><p>"I think you are too hard on yourself" Carl told him with a sigh. </p><p>"I almost killed your father Carl..." said Negan as he gave him a glare. </p><p>"It wasn't the first time though" Carl replied trying to pass his point across. </p><p>"Jeez thanks for the support kid" told him Negan sarcastically. </p><p>"Stop being an asshole Negan and hear me out" said Carl as he crossed his arms in front of him "what I'm saying is that there is a difference between when you wanted to kill him and now. You would have hurt him by now if you wanted to. Instead you tried your hardest to protect him. Do you know how many times I got hurt and Rick blamed himself? My face is proof of that. I didn't want him to be blaming himself and you shouldn't do the same. He is alive and still with us. We shouldn't lose hope on him" </p><p>Negan let out a huff of air. </p><p>"I don't want him to die Carl. Truth be told I never wanted that shit" said Negan as he shook his head in denial. </p><p>"He won't" told him Carl "he will be back to himself sooner rather than later and he will yell at me for going out without permission, go against you..." he continued letting out a chuckle. </p><p>Negan chuckled as well as he took Rick in his arms and gave him a hug. </p><p>"Yes he will" he agreed. </p><p>Rick woke up from his nap and hugged him back with his tiny arms. </p><p>Negan sighed. How had he thought he could live without him? After he was done with Simon he wouldn't leave Rick ever again. He needed that baby in his life. Even if that meant that he would have to cut his time between running the Sanctuary and Alexandria. Rick needed his family as well. He couldn't keep him from them. And who knows maybe one day he would become his grown up self again. </p><p>Carl left them alone to go see Judith and Negan sat at an armchair with Rick in his arms. </p><p>"Would you like to read you a story?" Negan asked Rick as he let out a happy squeal. </p><p>Negan smiled at him and picked up one of Judith's books. </p><p>"Once upon a time..."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Finally back to this story. Didn't have many ideas these days, hope you'll like the chapter though</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Six years later</h2></a>
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    <p>6 years later. </p><p>Negan blinked his eyes at Rick jumping on his bed excitedly. </p><p>"Negan! Negan! Wake up!" he yelled out "I have training with uncle Daryl."</p><p>"Mm," Negan said sleepily "it's still early Rick..."</p><p>"It's not though..." Rick whined as he sat next to him. </p><p>Negan sat up as he stretched his arms. He checked on the clock in his room and it was only eight o'clock. They didn't have to be to Alexandria until ten. </p><p>He attacked Rick tickling him while he laughed. </p><p>"Almost believed you this time" Negan smirked at him as Rick kept laughing. </p><p>"Please Negan. Stop it" Rick said out of breath. </p><p>Negan stopped and he smiled at him. </p><p>"Come here to give you a hug, you sneaky" he grinned at Rick and he fell to his hug. Negan held him tightly. Over the years Rick had turned into a boy. He wasn't a baby anymore. 6 years of getting rid of Simon once and for all but also six years that Rick hadn't returned to his grown-up self. </p><p>Negan had been calling him Richard when they were in front of others but he had said to him that his real name was Rick Grimes and that he should never forget that. A lot had changed. Alexandria and the Sanctuary were at peace for years now and the kids were growing up in safe environments. Rick was grown up to be a great kid. He was very polite with everyone but also not afraid to say his opinion and support what was right despite being only six years old. Negan had been trying hard to give him the traits that his grown-up self had. </p><p>Wasn't sure if he'd ever become exactly like the Rick he remembered but it looked like they were on the right path. His upbringing was separated between himself and his friends back at Alexandria. Eugene had become a teacher at Alexandria's school and Negan was driving him every day because Rick had to get an education alongside Carl and Judith. The kids may be older than their father but they were very protective of him and had developed a strong bond. Daryl was teaching Rick things about survival and dealing in the Apocalypse. Negan was hesitant at first but Rick needed to develop skills again. </p><p>As for himself, he was helping Rick with homework, they were playing together and living as a family. Rick had become like his own kid. He loved him and cared for him very much. Despite aching him to know the truth, these years had been so valuable for him. Seeing him turning into this young boy had been something extraordinary. They had celebrated all of his six birthdays and everyone had given Rick many gifts and lots of hugs and love. </p><p>Negan had given Rick a room of his own as he was growing up and had decorated it as Rick wanted it. Dwight and Sherry had gotten back together and they were expecting their first child and couldn't be happier. All these years, they had protected Rick's secret and cared for him like their own kid which Negan appreciated a lot despite everything that had happened between them in the past. </p><p>He was brought back to the present with Rick bringing his cowboy hat from the couch of his room. First, it was given to Judith by Carl and she gave it to Rick. The hat needed to stay in the family and since Rick was the youngest in the Grimes family, they had decided that he should have it. </p><p>"Let's have some breakfast," Negan said to him as he smiled and Rick nodded. "Then we will get you ready and go to Alexandria"</p><p>"Uncle Daryl told me that he will show me how to kill Walkers," Rick said excitedly. </p><p>Negan got to one knee in front of him and he rested his palms on Rick's shoulders. He sighed at Daryl's words. Rick wasn't ready for Walkers. </p><p>"Hey," he said to him as their eyes met "I know that uncle Daryl is eager to teach you things but you're not old enough to take on Walkers. Please Rick don't want you to get harmed" Negan looked at him with worry in his eyes. </p><p>Rick seemed hesitant but he nodded. </p><p>"Ok, Negan...I swear to you that I won't get near them" he promised as he didn't want to be making Negan worrying for him. </p><p>"Thank you a lot, Rick. I'm sure uncle Daryl will understand. One day you'll become the most badass of all of us. Just not yet, you got to live these "kid years"</p><p>Rick fell into his hug and Negan felt himself getting emotional. </p><p>"Love you Negan," he said to him. </p><p>Negan hugged him back tightly. "Love you too kid. More than you could ever know..."</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Ride to Alexandria</h2></a>
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    <p>"I like to move it, move it<br/>
I like to move it, move it<br/>
I like to move it, move it<br/>
You like to...move it"</p><p>Negan had been singing with Rick while driving to Alexandria alongside a CD he had found during a run and they were having fun even in the car. </p><p>He smiled at Rick while they were both singing together. Rick was starting to have the curls that his grown-up self used to have and refused to have a haircut. Negan liked it better this way as well. </p><p>When the song finished he lowered the sound so that they could talk. </p><p>"Eugene is telling me that you're one of the smartest kids in class," Negan said to him like a proud father. </p><p>Rick blushed at that. He didn't like being praised often. </p><p>"Gracie is smarter than me" he replied in embarrassment as he had developed feelings for his classmate and also Aaron's kid since they had been put in the same class.</p><p>"I am sure she is smart as well" Negan reassured him "just stating what Eugene said."</p><p>He had seen how Rick was around that girl. Was very sweet to her and very supportive. Negan knew that it was only natural for Rick to grow feelings for others, but it still pained him to think of his grown-up version. Who knows though. This Rick could grow up and make a new family for himself with a person he was in love with. They would always be a part of his life even if it wasn't the part they would have wanted...necessarily. His happiness didn't matter to him as much as Rick's though. </p><p>"What does Richard mean?" Rick questioned out of sudden. </p><p>"Well, it means someone who is "strong in rule". A fitting name for a leader and I'm sure that you're gonna be a great one" Negan replied because he knew that it would happen. </p><p>"Why would anyone follow me though?" Rick questioned as he couldn't understand how he could ever get to lead. </p><p>"Because you're one of the bravest and strongest persons I know," Negan said as he was feeling emotional "either the Sanctuary or Alexandria will be yours when the time comes and people will want to follow someone like you, Rick. I promise you that"</p><p>"Are you gonna be right there for me though?" Rick asked hesitantly. </p><p>"I will be in every step of the way next to you, Rick" Negan promised as they were approaching Alexandria. "Gonna love and support you no matter how many years pass"</p><p>---</p><p>"Here we are" Negan greeted Daryl and the kids as he entered the house while holding Rick's hand in his. </p><p>"Hey" Daryl greeted them with a big smile and Carl with Judith gave Rick two big hugs. </p><p>"Rick over here could barely control himself until it was time to come," Negan said to them as he smirked at Rick. </p><p>"The kid knows who teaches him awesome stuff," Daryl said with proud and Negan rolled his eyes at that. </p><p>"Yeah, you awesome teacher, just to not see Rick anywhere close to a Walker or else you'll become their next meal..." Negan warned him. </p><p>"Fine..." Daryl drawled exasperated and the kids laughed. </p><p>"We will keep the teacher in check" Carl promised as he smiled at both Judith and Rick. </p><p>"I will come back later Rick, ok?" Negan said as he leaned down so that he could be at the same eye level as Rick. </p><p>"Ok Dad" Rick agreed and he gave him one more hug. Negan felt his eyes stinging. Rick usually called him by his name but it meant a lot to him that he thought of him as his Dad. Had explained to him of course that he was adopted but Rick didn't seem disturbed by that fact. </p><p>"Be good for your uncle Daryl and cousins" Negan said to him emotionally. It was always tough to leave him to Alexandria but it made their reunion have way more meaning. He was always excited to hear Rick babbling about what he had done during his time there. </p><p>"Daryl, I consider you responsible," Negan said pointedly although he knew that Daryl was taking very good care of the kids. </p><p>"Don't worry" Daryl replied as he gave him a reassuring nod. </p><p>Negan gave him a nod and looked at all of them. </p><p>"See you in a couple of hours," he said to them and gave Rick one more warm smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Safe and sound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Negan returned to Alexandria he found Rick and Judith playing with Dog at the house's porch. Dog had gotten older as well but it was still that friendly dog that he always used to be. Negan felt his heart warming up at that view. </p><p>"Hey kiddos," he said to them as he walked closer to them. "Did you have fun?"</p><p>"We did" answered Judith with a smile "Michonne came as well to the training and explained how she uses the Katana"</p><p>"...and they ended up arguing on which weapon is the best" Rick added. Negan rolled his eyes at this news. Life at Alexandria was continuing normally as it seemed. </p><p>He rubbed Dog's belly as he had left the tongue hanging from his mouth. Rick laughed at that sight. </p><p>"Who's a good boy?" Negan said to Dog and smirked at the trust that Daryl's dog had. He was sure that Daryl would've taught his dog to attack him every time he came by. Or at least chase him around Alexandria. </p><p>Rick let out a yawn that was noticed by Negan. He was still very young and needed more rest than Carl and Judith. He tried to muffle it but Negan smirked at him. </p><p>"Saw you, young man," he said to Rick pointedly "we should go home for you to rest"</p><p>"Want to stay more though..." Rick said pleadingly but he was indeed feeling tired. </p><p>"In two days you will be back Rick" Negan tried to reassure him as they had the weekend in front of them that the kids didn't have school. </p><p>"Ok, Dad..." Rick accepted it eventually and he hugged Judith. They said goodbye to Daryl and Carl as well that were inside the house and Negan took Rick in his arms as he could see his eyes closing. </p><p>He walked to his car and put Rick to the passenger's side of the car while putting the seat belt on as well. </p><p>"Hmm," Rick said sleepily as he closed his eyes. </p><p>Negan removed the hat for him so that he could rest his head against the seat and left it to the backside. He removed a piece of hair from Rick's eye and stared at him for some seconds. It seemed like only yesterday when he was a baby boy. </p><p>He closed the door trying to not make much sound and got to his side of the car as he turned on the engine. Rick was passed out next to him. Negan looked at the passing greenery as he drove back to the compound. </p><p>When they arrived he picked up Rick again and got him inside. Considered it to leave him to his child's bed but walked to his bedroom instead. He positioned Rick to his king-size bed and covered him with a blanket making sure that he was well protected. Negan laid next to him as he shifted his body to look at Rick. </p><p>Suddenly Rick moved closer to him in his sleep. He wrapped his arm around him for warmth and protection. Negan felt himself melting at that. That kid was just so great. Negan never knew that he had this much affection and love to offer but he did and Rick had uncovered these feelings inside of him. </p><p>His wives had all new lives and had years to bring someone to his bed. He preferred to have the kid sleeping next to him though than anyone else. Offered him much more reassurance, ever since he was just a baby and refused to sleep in the crib. Negan sighed to himself as he closed his eyes to get some rest as well, alongside Rick.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Nightmare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan was having nightmares once again. He was seeing grown-up Rick on his knees, begging him to not make him cut off Carl's arm. It was a recurring nightmare and not the only one. He was rewatching other painful moments with Rick as well. Pleading and crying to not hurt him and his family. </p><p>"No, I've changed!" Negan tried to explain to him "I've done all I could to keep you safe. I can do more...please!"</p><p>Grown-up Rick looked up at him from his kneeling position. His blue eyes had rage in them like they always did in his dreams. </p><p>"You caused me so much pain and suffering. I despise you Negan. There's nothing else I could ever feel for you. Hate you with all my heart." Rick spat out. </p><p>Negan looked him in the eyes and he felt his stinging as he was on the verge of crying. </p><p>"This isn't real," he said to Rick, trying hard to keep his voice steady. "You can't possibly hate me more than I hate myself. I couldn't make you happy. Caused you so much pain. I had a second chance though to make things right...I've tried..." Negan sobbed out. </p><p>Rick let out a humorless chuckle and turned his attention to the ground. Instead of Carl, there was his kid self, having a terrified expression on his face and staring at Rick pleadingly. Grown-up Rick grabbed the kid's arm to steady it and raised the axe to cut his hand off. </p><p>"No!" Negan yelled out as he woke up to kid Rick shaking him by the arm. </p><p>"Negan!" he was saying to him with a scared look on his face "wake up!"</p><p>"W-what?" Negan let out as he was breathing heavily. He looked beside him and saw kid Rick being very shaken and concerned. Who knows what he had been mumbling in his sleep while seeing grown-up Rick in his dreams. </p><p>"You were screaming..." Rick said hesitantly as he grabbed the blanket in his small hands. He had fear in his eyes. </p><p>"I'm sorry Rick" Negan tried to comfort him "was having a nightmare...I'm sorry for disturbing you." </p><p>What the hell could he possibly say? Regrets were catching up to him once again. The kid had done nothing to deserve this though. </p><p>Rick seemed still afraid of seeing him like that. </p><p>Negan sighed to himself and pulled him closer gently for a hug. </p><p>"I am ok, Rick. Don't want you to worry. Remember all these times you happened to see a bad dream? That had made you upset? Grownups get them as well. It's ok though. I have you to remind me that it's not real" Negan tried to explain to him. </p><p>Rick wrapped his arms around Negan as tears filled his eyes. </p><p>"Shh," Negan said as he rocked him gently "don't want you to be crying. Especially not for me..."</p><p>"Did I do anything...?" Rick asked with a sad voice as he looked at Negan in the eyes. </p><p>"No, no" Negan said to him as he shook his head in denial "How can you say that? It was just a bad dream. had nothing to do with you. Could never make me upset Rick..." </p><p>Rick leaned back to Negan's hug. </p><p>"I am sorry for disturbing your nap" Negan continued apologetically "bet that you're hungry. Let's go make you something for dinner. What do you say?" </p><p>Wanted to take Rick's mind off what had happened. </p><p>"Ok Dad" Rick replied in agreement. Had gotten hungry by now. </p><p>Negan gave him a soft kiss on the hair and sat up from the bed. He got a warm hoodie for Rick to put on since he was still from sleep. Watched him while he was wearing it and sighed to himself. </p><p>Seemed like the past would be sticking with him forever.</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Justin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan splashed some water to his face to get himself together. Had to try for the kid's sake. This was still Rick. He wasn't dead or harmed in any way. He took a deep breath as he tried to remind himself of that. </p><p>Got out of the bathroom and saw Rick waiting for him. Thankfully he seemed calmer now. Would be occupying him with things until bedtime and hopefully would be sleeping calmly at night. Didn't want to be influencing Rick by showing his sadness and how much he was missing the grown-up version. It would be unfair for both the kid and himself to do that. Had been swallowing it for six whole years after all. </p><p>He got with Rick out of the room and they saw Dwight in the corridor. Negan held Rick's hand as they walked to him. </p><p>"Hey," he said to them with a smile "How are you doing Rick?" </p><p>Rick had been afraid of Dwight at first because of the burn but he was nice to him. Both he and his wife, Sherry. </p><p>"I am fine, how are you?" he asked politely. </p><p>"I am well, thank you for asking," Dwight said with a smile "Did you go to Alexandria today?"</p><p>"Yes," Negan replied "they had training with Daryl. Rick wanted to stay more but he had gotten sleepy so I put him for a nap"</p><p>"When the baby arrives we will all want that," Dwight said jokingly. Sherry was close to giving birth nowadays. </p><p>Negan smirked at him as he remembered when Rick was a baby and staying up at night with him. </p><p>"Enjoy it while you can" he smirked at Dwight. "We will go to the kitchen with Rick to make something for him"</p><p>"Nice" Dwight commented "Bon appetite then," he said to both Rick and Negan who thanked him in response. </p><p>---</p><p>"So...do you wanna know my super-secret spaghetti recipe?" Negan asked Rick in a conspiratorial tone. </p><p>Rick's eyes widened at that. Had always loved Negan's spaghetti. "Yes, please dad," he said in a hurry with anticipation in his voice. </p><p>Negan grinned at that. </p><p>"The other one who knows it is your cousin, Carl, but he won't admit that he liked it," Negan said to Rick. </p><p>"I love it personally" Rick replied because it had always been his favorite food. </p><p>"Aw thank you, Rick," Negan said to him lovingly "means a lot to me. Now I'm gonna teach you so that you can show off to your cousins and uncle Daryl who thinks that only he can teach you things"</p><p>Rick nodded in excitement as Negan helped him wash his hands so they could start making dinner. </p><p>---</p><p>Rick woke up early in the morning to his room. He had eaten a full dish of spaghetti and red sauce the night before. Negan had then sat next to him after he put him to bed and read him a story until he fell asleep. Usually, Negan was the one to come wake him up but this time he awoke on his own. Rick stood up and thought to get dressed. </p><p>He opened the door of his room and contemplated what to do. Negan should be sleeping still and thought to not annoy him and let him rest. He walked downstairs to go eat something for breakfast. Knew that his dad didn't want him to be walking all alone in the compound but not many were around anyway so it wouldn't harm him. The cafeteria was opening early though. </p><p>Had almost reached the cafeteria when he heard a voice behind him. </p><p>"Where are you going on your own...Richard?" someone asked sarcastically. </p><p>Rick turned around and saw Justin. He was a blonde boy, four years older than he, and the son of a Savior called Jared. There were only a few kids at the Sanctuary but Rick found them mean. They didn't go to school and especially not to Alexandria as he did. </p><p>"I am going to have breakfast" he replied simply. The other boy came closer and looked down at him. </p><p>"You know..." he drawled, "my father told me all about your uncle Daryl when he was a prisoner here"</p><p>Rick froze at that. A prisoner? </p><p>"What do you mean by that?" he questioned as he couldn't understand. </p><p>Justin smiled at him and not in a good way. </p><p>"Negan had taken Daryl as his prisoner and was keeping him in the cells. Had been feeding him dog food sandwiches and torturing him...-"</p><p>Rick felt his eyes stinging at that. No, Negan could never do that. </p><p>"You're a liar and a mean person" he snapped at him. </p><p>"What the hell did you say to me?" Justin demanded as he grabbed Rick by the arm. Before he could hurt him though, Rick managed to get him on the floor and started hitting him with all his force despite younger than him. </p><p>Someone walked to them fast and pulled Rick away from Justin. Turned out that it was Dwight and was shocked to see Justin's nose bleeding. </p><p>"Hey" he demanded as he looked from one to the other "what behavior is that?!" </p><p>Rick had rage in his eyes though that reminded him of his grown-up self. </p><p>"He said that my Dad was keeping uncle Daryl as his prisoner and feeding him dog food!" he said to him and Dwight's eyes widened when he heard that thing.</p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Torn apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Who said these things to you, Justin?" Dwight demanded as he gave him a napkin for his nose. </p><p>"My father," Justin said in anger "Negan's adopted crybaby over here though, got upset for saying the truth..."</p><p>"That's enough!" Dwight said decisively. "We will all go to Negan's office and I'll bring your dads, real and adopted ones. Understood?"</p><p>Both Rick and Justin grunted in response but followed Dwight as he led them upstairs. </p><p>"Get inside and sit down," he said to them as he opened the door to Negan's room "will be back soon"</p><p>With that he left to go call Negan and Jared. </p><p>"You're dead when my father finds out that you hit me" Justin warned Rick who didn't even look at him and stared at the wooden floor instead. </p><p>Soon enough, Dwight returned, followed by Negan and Jared. Their eyes widened as they saw Justin's bleeding nose. </p><p>"You little shit" Jared snapped at Rick "How dare you to lay hands on my kid?!"</p><p>"Watch it with the language" Negan barked at him. "Don't you call him like that again!"</p><p>He turned his attention back to Rick as Jared was fuming. </p><p>"Why did you do that?" Negan asked Rick, with frustration. </p><p>"He said to me that you had been keeping Daryl locked up and you were giving him dog food. His father said it to him" Rick admitted bitterly. </p><p>Negan shot Jared an outrageous glare. What the hell had he been saying to his kid? </p><p>"Found them beating each other up" Dwight intervened as he crossed his arms above his chest. This situation was very messed up. They were just kids, for God's sake. Didn't have to know things like that. Negan and he had both changed. It was disgusting to be traumatizing a kid's innocent heart like that. </p><p>Negan pinched the bridge of his nose. Couldn't believe what Jared had been saying to his kid. "Justin you will go to the infirmary to get you checked out for injuries. If you can't be civil then don't speak to each other at all. Don't want a repeat of today. Never again"</p><p>Jared took his son out of the room in a hurry as he was pissed off with Negan and Rick. </p><p>A silence fell to the room and Dwight looked at Negan with concern. How would he handle this? </p><p>Negan motioned him to leave so that he could stay alone with Rick. Dwight sighed to himself and left, closing the door behind him. </p><p>Negan knelt on one knee in front of Rick and saw his sore expression. </p><p>"Rick" Negan started, unsure of what to say "you are still way too young for these things...-"</p><p>"So, you admit that it is true" Rick intervened as he looked at him with a disappointed expression on his face. </p><p>Negan swallowed hard at that. "...sometimes in life you have to go through hardships. That happened with me and your uncle Daryl as well. Yes, I mistreated him, but we have a good relationship now. I am not like that anymore..."</p><p>Rick started sobbing when he heard all that and Negan felt his heart breaking. </p><p>"How could you do that to him?" Rick cried out. </p><p>"I was a different person. One who didn't care about inflicting pain to others" Negan said to him as their eyes met. Honesty was the only way to get through this. </p><p>Rick wiped the tears from his blue eyes and took a trembling breath. </p><p>"I want you to take me to Alexandria," he said to Negan and felt his heart being torn to pieces. </p><p>He was on the verge of tearing up as well. </p><p>"No, Rick. Please. I'm begging you, don't do that to me" Negan pleaded with him, feeling despair "hitting Justin was very wrong but you won't be grounded because this is very tough...Stay here with me. We can talk this out..."</p><p>"I want to stay with uncle Daryl and my cousins for the weekend" Rick insisted "if you can't take me, tell someone from Alexandria to come"</p><p>Negan averted his eyes to hide the pain he was feeling. </p><p>"There's no need..." he mumbled eventually "I'll drive you myself. Go pack up some things and your backpack for Monday. I will be waiting here..."</p><p>Rick stood up and left him alone so that he could pack up. Negan sat on a chair with struggle and felt hot tears running down his cheeks as he sobbed hard.</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Bitterness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan drove to Alexandria with Rick and there was a heavy silence in the car. Rick had never requested to stay away from him on purpose. </p><p>

They had to beg him in fact to stay in Alexandria for a night and now he had asked to stay for the whole weekend. Which meant that things were very serious this time around. </p><p>Once he thought that the worst thing that could happen was for Rick to rebel against him. This treatment was worse though. So much worse. </p><p>He parked outside from Alexandria and looked at Rick beside him. </p><p>"Can I at least take you inside?" Negan questioned roughly. </p><p>Rick sighed and looked back at him. </p><p>"Ok..." he mumbled eventually. </p><p>They walked to Rick's old house and Negan knocked on the door with a heavy heart. </p><p>Heard footsteps walking down the stairs and soon Daryl was opening the door. He looked surprised to see them already. </p><p>"Hey" he greeted them with a smile "What happened? Will you be busy with something?" Daryl asked but he took in their expressions. </p><p>"No, it's not that. Just Rick wants to stay with you for the weekend. Brought his backpack as well to go to school on Monday"</p><p>Daryl froze at that, but both Rick and Negan seemed sad already. </p><p>"Alright...sure..." he said eventually "Rick wait inside for a bit, ok?"</p><p>Rick walked by to enter the house and Negan almost teared up again. </p><p>Daryl checked that Rick was not hearing and turned to Negan. </p><p>"What happened?" he demanded to know. </p><p>Negan let out a sigh. "The kid of a Savior said to Rick that you were a prisoner and about the dog food as well. Rick made his nose bleed. Then requested to bring him here. He doesn't want to see me...apparently"</p><p>Daryl's mouth turned to a straight line as he remembered what Negan had done to him back then. Had tried hard to forget. </p><p>"Well, nothing stays hidden forever. Especially when it comes to kids..." he drawled eventually. </p><p>"Not this one. He didn't have to know..." Negan said with pain in his voice. </p><p>Daryl rested his palm on his shoulder. </p><p>"Don't worry, ok? He just got upset. Will talk to him and he'll forgive you"</p><p>"Hope so..." Negan sobbed out "can't live without him"</p><p>"If he hasn't forgotten it by Monday, don't call me Daryl Dixon" Daryl smirked at him, trying to reassure him. He could see that this was very hard on Negan already. </p><p>Negan let out a small chuckle at that despite feeling like crap on the inside. </p><p>"I'm sorry Daryl," he said to him with regrets and Daryl pulled him in for a hug. </p><p>"You know that you're forgiven for years now. If grown-up Rick could see past your bullshit, kid Rick will do the same. Give him some time"</p><p>"Alright..." Negan agreed "call me on the walkie talkie if he needs anything"</p><p>"I will take good care of him, I promise. Uncle Daryl to the rescue" Daryl said, teasing him a bit. </p><p>"Rick" he called him "won't you say goodbye to Negan?"</p><p>Rick was sitting on the couch and nodded negatively to him. </p><p>Negan sighed but wouldn't do Rick any good to be pressuring him. </p><p>"Let him be," Negan said despite feeling hurt "will come by on Monday"</p><p>Daryl gave him a light pat on his back as he bid him goodbye. Negan got reminded of when Rick was a baby and got forced to leave him to Daryl due to Simon. </p><p>He was having the same painful feelings once again. </p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Noone ever thinks that they are the evil ones</h2></a>
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    <p>Daryl closed the door behind Negan and turned his attention to Rick. How would he explain all that to him? This situation had been painful enough for adult Rick, not now that he was just a kid. Would have liked for it to have been kept a secret as well. </p><p>He walked closer to the couch and saw that Dog had jumped on as well and was resting his head on Rick's legs. He sat down next to them and looked at Rick. </p><p>"Rick," he said to him "talk to me. Please..." </p><p>"I know that he informed you of what happened," Rick said as his eyes filled up with tears again "How could he do that to you?"</p><p>Daryl let out a sigh. "It was different times back then. Negan isn't a bad person. The circumstances made him do some bad things, like treating me as his prisoner. He didn't think of himself as the villain though, but the hero of his own story"</p><p>"What he did is terrible" Rick sobbed out "how can you be so calm?"</p><p>"I wasn't always calm, Rick. Of course not" Daryl explained to him "holding him a grudge though for something he did so many years ago? No, I refuse to do that. Hatred is a dangerous feeling. It can consume you. When I was your age, my father used to beat me up. Both I and my brother, Merle used to suffer at his hands and he was our real father. Do you know how I forgave Negan?"</p><p>Rick looked at him as tears rolled down his cheeks. </p><p>"I forgave him because of how much he cares for you, Judith and Carl. Especially the love he has for you...just don't see that often. If he was mistreating you in any way, shape, or form, I would have been the first one to take you from him immediately. The ability to love is the strongest medicine. It heals everything and it healed Negan. The decision is up to you. If you tell me that you're afraid of him, you'll stay right here. No one will make you return to the Sanctuary if you feel unsafe"</p><p>Rick took a trembling breath. "I don't know uncle Daryl..."</p><p>"You don't have to know Rick" Daryl comforted him "it will have to be a decision based on feelings. Leave the thinking outside of it. You heard my point of view. Now it's your choice. Plus eating dog food wasn't so bad, Dog eats it every day..." he added jokingly, trying to make the atmosphere a bit lighter for Rick's sake.</p><p>Rick petted Dog who let out a happy bark. He didn't know what to do. Still felt very bad about what he had been told about Negan. </p><p>"We will have fun this weekend and you'll see. Everything will be better sooner rather than later..." Daryl smiled at him and hugged Rick. Just in time, Rick's stomach let out a growl because he had gotten pretty hungry. </p><p>Daryl smirked and stood up. "I am gonna make us crepes with an extra dose of marmalade"</p><p>"Yeah!" Rick said excitedly, cheering up a bit. </p><p>"Sit here with Dog and I'm going to get started" Daryl smiled at the both of them.</p><p>---</p><p>Negan started driving back to the Sanctuary but felt like he was suffocating in the car.</p><p>He stopped at the side of the road and got out. Started walking to the woods and was feeling really bad about himself. Maybe it was meant for him and Rick to be enemies in all forms. It was all because of him though, not Rick. He was the one who was constantly disappointing the other guy. This Rick would grow up as well eventually and maybe he would find out the whole damn story. </p><p>Thought that this time, he could be Rick's hero, but once a villain always the villain as it seemed. Perhaps he should do Rick a favor and get the hell out of his life while it was still early. Rick would forget about him and continue his life. All he wanted for him was to be happy. He always had to get in the way of Rick's happiness though. </p><p>He came across a big river that was running through the forest and sat down to enjoy the view for a bit. Had so many great plans for the weekend. Now they were ruined. He felt anger for Jared and his son. Rick was a good kid. Would never hit someone if they hadn't provoked it and bet that's what happened. There were still bad people at the Sanctuary. It was their home as much as it was his. As long as they kept their hands to themselves, he couldn't kick them out. Had been very angry though that Jared dared to call Rick a "little shit". </p><p>It was outrageous to talk to him in that manner. He always talked to Rick gently and without nicknames like the "prick" one. Couldn't invalidate the kid's feelings, just so that he could have some fun. He wasn't willing to tolerate it from anyone else as well. Now Rick was scared of him and what he had done to Daryl though. </p><p>Was already thinking of Monday but he highly doubted that Rick would just forgive him and get over it. He threw a small rock into the water and stood up as he turned his back on the river. He just wanted to go back to his home and drown in his misery until the weekend would pass.</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. A goodnight call</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Daryl got Rick ready for bed. They had been playing with Judith all day long which had been a good distraction for Rick. He put him to sleep in Carl's bed since he had gone to Hilltop to continue training as a blacksmith so it was only the three of them at the house. </p><p>He let Rick brush his teeth on his own as he went to say goodnight to Judith as well and make sure she had laid to bed comfortably. Daryl grabbed his walkie-talkie on his way back to Carl's room. Maybe he could convince Rick to call Negan, to say goodnight to him as well. </p><p>He entered the room and saw that Rick had gotten under the covers. </p><p>"Hey," he said to him "was thinking if you wanted, we call Negan. How will he sleep without saying goodnight to him? Everyone deserves a goodnight, right?" he asked hopefully. </p><p>"Maybe..." Rick drawled hesitantly. He knew what Daryl was trying to do. Truth be told was that Negan always said goodnight to him and read him a story before sleep. He felt guilty for not speaking to him at all after his refusal to stay with him at the Sanctuary. </p><p>"Just a goodnight, you don't have to talk to him more" Daryl reassured him as he turned on the walkie-talkie and signaled Negan's. </p><p>Soon enough, he heard a familiar crack from the other side. </p><p>"Yes...?" Negan questioned with a roughness in his voice which made Daryl feel bad for him. He sounded like a mess. </p><p>"It's Daryl," he said to him "we wanted to goodnight you with Rick..."</p><p>Negan stayed silent as Rick was not talking. Daryl urged him to say something with his eyes. </p><p>"Erm..." Rick started, very unsure "goodnight Negan..." he said eventually. </p><p>"...thank you, Rick..." Negan choked out like he was on the verge of bursting into tears. </p><p>A silence fell to the walkie-talkies and Daryl didn't know what to say. He wished that Negan was there right now so that he could make them hug and get back to how they used to. It would be a shame to ruin everything over this. It wasn't worth it in his opinion. </p><p>"We can't wait to see you on Monday, Negan" Daryl said,  trying to reassure the other man. </p><p>"Yeah...me too" Negan answered but he didn't sound like he meant it. </p><p>There was a silence again and Daryl let out a sigh. </p><p>"Ok then...have a good night Negan. We will be in touch," he said to him. </p><p>Rick was staring at the walkie-talkie with a very sore expression. </p><p>"Goodnight," Negan said plainly and hang up on them. </p><p>Daryl left the walkie-talkie to the side as he glared at Rick. </p><p>"He misses you a lot..." he drawled hesitantly. </p><p>"Well, I don't" Rick replied bitterly as he laid down. </p><p>Daryl frowned at Rick's words but he knew that it was good ol' stubbornness. </p><p>"I believe that you do miss him as well. At least he got our goodnight. Now the monster that lives under the bed, won't get him..." Daryl commented. </p><p>"There is no such thing uncle Daryl..." Rick answered with a sigh. </p><p>"Of course there is. But when we say goodnight, we are protected and he doesn't get us"</p><p>Rick rolled his eyes slightly and Daryl chuckled at his reaction. </p><p>He leaned in to kiss him on the forehead. </p><p>"Wake me up if you need anything" </p><p>"Ok, uncle Daryl" Rick mumbled to him "goodnight..."</p><p>"Goodnight Rick," Daryl said to him in a soft tone as he turned off the lamp on the bedside table so that Rick could fall asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Gracie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Monday came sooner than Rick would have liked and he still was to decide if he would go back to the Sanctuary or not. He knew that sooner or later Negan would come to Alexandria and he would want an answer. </p><p>Both he and Judith went to school in the morning and Rick felt anxiety growing inside of him to the prospect of meeting Negan again despite Daryl's reassurance. He felt his worries melting away when Gracie looked at him though. Hurried to her so that they could chat before they'd start Eugene's class. </p><p>"Hey Gracie!" he smiled at her and felt butterflies inside of him when she smiled back at him. She was such a beautiful girl in his eyes. </p><p>"Good morning!" said she excitedly. Was equally happy to see him. "Didn't Negan drop you off today?" </p><p>Rick's mood darkened a bit at that. </p><p>"No...I stayed with my uncle Daryl during the weekend actually," he said and anxiety was coming back to him. </p><p>Gracie noticed his change of mood and frowned at that. </p><p>"Did something happen...?" she asked hesitantly "don't mean to be snooping...-"</p><p>"No" Rick shook his head negatively "it's just that I found out some things about Negan's past and I'm not sure if I want to be staying with him anymore. He expects an answer though today"</p><p>"Do you feel unsafe with him?" Gracie questioned. "I mean he's not your real Dad, can't force you to be with him..."</p><p>Rick sighed. "Don't know how to feel. He has been raising me for so many years. I feel like I'm obligated to return to him..."</p><p>"If he loves you, then he shouldn't make you choose" Gracie pointed out "between your safety and the obligation, as you say, you should pick what's best for you. At least that's what I would do..."</p><p>"Aaron is a much more understanding person to talk to," Rick said hesitantly "Negan on the other hand...is not. Sometimes I wish someone like your Dad could adopt me as well"</p><p>Gracie put a comforting arm on his shoulder. </p><p>"I got lucky with Aaron. He has said to me that someone killed my real father when I was just a baby and he decided to adopt me. Who knows...maybe my real father wouldn't turn out to be a good person. Will never get to meet him though"</p><p>"Yeah..." Rick mumbled "don't know what I should do either"</p><p>Gracie kissed him on the cheek. </p><p>"I'll stand by you no matter the decision. We will be two against Negan, don't worry" she promised. </p><p>Rick blushed at the kiss, but he felt a smile appearing on his lips as well. "Thank you, Gracie," he said as he felt stronger, instantly. </p><p>"Come on kids, we may begin," Eugene said to them from a distance as they walked to the class to get started. </p><p>Rick sat down behind his desk and exchanged a smile with Gracie from her place in the class. </p><p>"So...who will come for the first exercise you had as homework?" Eugene questioned and Rick turned his attention to the lesson, trying not to think of when Negan would eventually come by.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Time-Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lesson ended eventually and Rick walked out of the class as everyone was packing up their things. Eugene's lesson was always interesting but he couldn't find it in him to pay attention today. </p><p>He still didn't know what he should do and how he would avoid Negan questioning him. Suddenly a shadow covered him and he looked up. Negan was there and was looming over him. Rick took a step back and frowned at him. </p><p>"How did you know when we would finish the lesson?" Rick questioned as the program and the hours were changing every day depending on runs and things like that. </p><p>Negan had a sore expression on his face and he didn't even have the mood to attempt a smile. This situation was very frustrating and sad for him. Had noticed that Rick stepped backward as well which made him feel worse. Like he was a monster or something, to be afraid of. </p><p>"I talked to Daryl," he said plainly as he crossed his arms above his chest. </p><p>Rick swallowed dryly and got that Negan was mad at him. </p><p>"Why are you acting like that?" Negan demanded to know. He was on the verge of tearing up once again and knew that he couldn't in front of the kids as they were going home. </p><p>"Don't know if I wish to be staying with you any longer" Rick replied as he crossed his arms as well. </p><p>All that Negan wanted to do was to start sobbing at these words. </p><p>"Why Rick? What changed?" he asked with bitterness in his voice. </p><p>"Can't trust you. You might hurt me as well...-"</p><p>Negan felt anger inside of him at that. </p><p>"I said I'm sorry. I've changed!" he snapped at Rick who's eyes widened and felt fear inside of him at Negan's outburst. </p><p>Gracie hurried to him as she had seen their heated conversation. </p><p>"Hey, leave him alone" she demanded. </p><p>"Gracie that's between me and my son," Negan said to her as his eyes narrowed at the both of them. </p><p>"Doesn't look that way" she replied defensively. Wouldn't let him harm Rick. </p><p>"Ok then!" Negan snapped at them "I see that what I've done for you meant nothing. I am leaving to go torture some other poor fella! Don't worry, you are gonna be safe from me!"</p><p>With that he turned his back on them and walked away as fast as he could leaving both Rick and Gracie frozen at their place. </p><p>---</p><p>"I am done," Negan said to Daryl as he kicked a chair in frustration. </p><p>Daryl couldn't blame him for being so angry. Rick had officially crossed the line. He was still to come home though after what had happened. </p><p>"I know that it's very hard, but try to stay calm" he begged Negan "I know that you're hurting but he's just a kid..."</p><p>"Yeah" Negan scoffed "I saw the adult version as well. No matter what I do, it will never be good enough for Rick f in Grimes"</p><p>Daryl sighed. "Please Negan. Don't say things like that. It was an unfortunate event. You can overcome it...-"</p><p>"He hates me, Daryl," Negan said in anger "What to fix exactly? Thinks that I'll be harming him"</p><p>Just in time the door opened and Rick appeared but was very hesitant to enter the house. </p><p>Daryl walked closer to him as he was very annoyed as well. Rick's behavior wouldn't pass as if nothing happened. </p><p>"Rick," he said to him firmly "What did we say about forgiveness? That's what you got from our talk?"</p><p>Rick stayed silent and didn't know what to say. Had screwed up big time and both Daryl and Negan were mad at him. </p><p>"Go upstairs and you'll not come out until I say so" Daryl decided. Rick needed to be taught a lesson. To not treat people like that. </p><p>Rick walked upstairs without making eye contact with neither of them. When they heard the door of Carl's room closing, Negan dropped himself to the couch and sobbed hard. </p><p>Daryl felt heartbroken at the view. He sat next to him and pulled Negan in for a hug. </p><p>"Shh," Daryl said as he rocked him gently. He didn't know how on earth they would fix things.</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. No me, without you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan didn't even know how much time it passed before he finally managed to get himself together again. </p><p>"I just miss him, Daryl. Is that so bad...?" he asked with bitterness. "It's killing me to see him afraid once again"</p><p>"No..." Daryl said hesitantly "it's not. The three of us had always been stubborn, to say the least. We are expecting way too much of Rick. It took years for us to resolve all that tension. Can't possibly ask him to do it over the weekend. He is only six years old after all"</p><p>"Yeah, and I yelled at him as well..." Negan sighed. He just wanted Rick back without considering how the kid was feeling. If anything he had made his fears worse. "Maybe I'm not meant for parenthood"</p><p>"You raised Rick all these years Negan. Of course, you are meant for parenthood, don't say that...it was a bad moment that he found out about the past and is scared now. Just because I forgave you, can't expect him to do the same. Which was exactly what I did..." Daryl said in frustration. Had been demanding a lot from a kid that age. </p><p>"We should stop pressuring him and just let it be. Don't want him to feel forced or afraid. It is very egoistic on my part to do that" Negan said as he stood up from the couch. "You shouldn't ground him either. We are the ones that screwed up, not the kid"</p><p>"Go talk to him alright?" Daryl asked of him "only that I want. Calmly this time and he will listen to you"</p><p>Negan nodded and looked at the stairs. He should make a serious effort to get the kid's trust back. </p><p>Walked upstairs and opened the door hesitantly. He saw that Rick had curled on the bed, looking upset. </p><p>Negan sat at the edge and took in a deep breath. </p><p>"I want to tell you that I am truly sorry. Shouldn't have pressured you so much or snapping at you. It was very wrong of me..." </p><p>Rick looked at him and he sat up. </p><p>"Why did you do all that to uncle Daryl?" </p><p>"I was blinded by my need for power. Nothing mattered except that. Daryl got in the way and he had to pay in my mind. I...I genuinely feel bad and regret what I did. Not just to Daryl but others as well..."</p><p>"Was I also in the way...?" Rick asked with a small voice. </p><p>"No, Rick..." Negan said with tears in his eyes "you know what was the most precious moment in my whole miserable life? When the first word you ever said was "Neg". I've never felt so much happiness before. You are the most important person to me. I'm terrified of losing you or despising me..."</p><p>"I don't despise you, Dad..." Rick said as he moved closer to Negan and wrapped his arms around him. "I am sorry for the pain my words caused you"</p><p>Negan hugged him back and just held him tight. </p><p>"I am the one who's feeling sorry kid. For what I did, what I said...just about everything. All I've ever wanted was to be a good adopted dad for you. Nothing else..." Negan choked out.</p><p>"You are" Rick sobbed out "no one else could ever replace you. I shouldn't have been thinking that way"</p><p>"Love you so much, kid. There's no me without you" Negan replied as he was feeling very emotional. "We belong together little buddy and I'll work hard to earn your trust again. I promise you that"</p>
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<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Forgiveness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan and Rick walked down the stairs and Daryl looked at them hopefully. Rick ran to him and gave him a tight hug. </p><p>"I am sorry uncle Daryl," he said regretfully "you've gone through so much and I'm making you worse"</p><p>Daryl felt his eyes tearing up. Rick could never make him feel worse, in this form or the other. He knelt and hugged him as well. </p><p>"You are the best kid me and Negan could ever be blessed with. There is no replacing you. Neither of you for the matter. Nor Judith or Carl. You are special and make us want to be better for you. It's ok to be afraid Rick. That can only make you stronger in the end..."</p><p>Negan almost teared up as well at the exchange. Daryl looked at him and gave Negan a thumbs up. He had done the right thing. </p><p>"Ok" Daryl announced as he stood up "enough with the tears. Judith will come back soon and don't want her to see us like that. We are gonna spend the day altogether and tomorrow we'll discuss what you want to happen," he said to Rick, trying to comfort him. </p><p>"I will get started with spaghetti then" Negan smirked at Daryl and he rolled his eyes in response. Negan and his Spaghetti...but he couldn't be mad at him. He finally found a way to communicate his feelings, that alone was a big step for humanity. </p><p>"May I help?" Rock questioned. </p><p>Negan's hazel eyes warmed up. "Of course you can Rick. Thank you"</p><p>"I'll leave you to it then" Daryl smiled at them. </p><p>---</p><p>"I am sorry for how Gracie talked to you..." Rock said to Negan apologetically "she thought you would harm me.."</p><p>Negan let out a sigh as he was watching over his red sauce. </p><p>"She's a kid as well Rick. I am not mad at her and plan to talk with Gracie as well tomorrow. Don't want her to be stressing out about you since she cares a lot. I mean a six-year-old girl who is defending the boy she loves so much? Wouldn't want to be going against her..."</p><p>"You think that I could marry her?" Rick questioned and Negan laughed at that. He messed up Rick's hair a bit. </p><p>"Sure...when you're over 18 though," Negan said with a smirk. </p><p>He watched Rick as he was putting the dishes to the table and sighed to himself once again. Was glad that they could at least talk again with Rick. Didn't know what he would do if this coldness continued a bit longer. Wished that he would accept to come back to the Sanctuary. That was the kid's home in his mind, his room... </p><p>Hopefully Rick would want to come back now that they had talked things out.</p>
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<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Too close to the surface</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan appeared by Rick's temporary room and saw that Rick had laid down for sleep. </p><p>"Hey..." Negan said hesitantly "may I come in?"</p><p>"Yes," Rick nodded as Negan walked in and sat at Rick's bed. </p><p>They sat in silence for some minutes when Negan looked at him. </p><p>"I hope you are feeling more comfortable with me now..." he drawled.</p><p>Rick let out a small sigh. "I've never felt uncomfortable with you Negan. It's just that I was afraid of all that I've heard about torture etc...But I'm better now"</p><p>"Glad to hear it" Negan mumbled "would you like to come back home tomorrow?" he asked hopefully. </p><p>Rick hesitated a bit but nodded eventually. </p><p>"Yes, I want to go with you home"</p><p>Negan sighed in relief and leaned in to hug him. </p><p>"Thank you, kid. Means a lot to me that you gave me a chance"</p><p>"Could you...read me a story?" Rick questioned. </p><p>Negan smiled at that. He was always up for a story. Went to the place they've had the books and saw Finding Nemo. The first book he ever read to Rick. He had transferred many of Rick's things to Daryl's house and was glad for it. </p><p>He laid comfortably next to Rick and wrapped his arm around him while holding the book with the other. Rick rested his head on his shoulder. </p><p>"It was Nemo's first day of school and he was so excited. There were so many new friends to meet and adventures to have. Nemo wanted to swim close to the surface. His father, Marlin, warned him that it was too dangerous, but the little fish didn't listen...-"</p><p>Thunders were heard from outside as it was getting darker and the rain was falling... </p><p>---</p><p>"We should head back to Alexandria, Jesus!" Aaron yelled at Paul so that he could be heard in the strong rain. "Can't possibly scavenge in that weather"</p><p>Suddenly they heard growls that were very close to them and Jesus saw that at least ten walkers were surrounding them. </p><p>"Paul! We got to go now!" Aaron said to him urgently. </p><p>"No, we will lead them back home," Paul declined as he took out his knife and started killing them. They had to be killed first and then leave. </p><p>Aaron started helping him but more appeared. It was dark, rainy and the thunderstorm wasn't helping. </p><p>Paul went to kill one to his left when the Walker dodged his knife and stabbed him in the back. </p><p>Jesus let out a gasp of pain as the Walker leaned closer to his ear. </p><p>"You...are where you DO NOT belong..." he whispered to him and removed the blade from his back. Paul fell to the ground while he bled out. </p><p>"Noo!!!" Aaron sobbed as tears rolled down his cheeks.</p>
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<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Grief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan walked with Rick to drop him off at school. Couldn't wait to take him back to the Sanctuary. Was already planning to spend the evening playing games and reading him a book before bed. </p><p>

Had been feeling emptiness during the weekend since Rick wasn't there to be spending time with him. </p><p>As they approached Alexandria's school he saw Eugene, Aaron, and Gracie looking devastated and with tears in their eyes. He felt his blood running cold and instinctively took Rick's hand in his. </p><p>"What happened?" he demanded as he took in the terrible situation they were all in. Gracie rested her head on Rick's shoulder for comfort. </p><p>"Jesus is dead" Aaron sobbed out as fresh tears appeared in his eyes. </p><p>Both Rick's and Negan's eyes widened. This couldn't be real. Jesus had always been one of the best in fighting. </p><p>"How did it happen?" Negan asked, very concerned. </p><p>"We got surrounded by Walkers and Paul said to me that we should kill them all first. We were doing a very good job at killing them when suddenly he was dropping...had a stab on the back..." </p><p>"A stab?" Eugene demanded as he wiped the tears from his cheeks "but how, since they were Walkers...?"</p><p>"Don't know" Aaron said with frustration "there may be a human amongst them and Jesus didn't notice him. Don't get what a human was doing amongst this herd of Walkers though or why he killed Paul...didn't deserve this ending. He just didn't..."</p><p>Negan looked down at Rick who had tears in his eyes as well. Something was very weird in Paul's death and that made him very concerned for all of them and Rick's safety. </p><p>Eugene sighed as he didn't know what more to say about this tragic event. </p><p>"We won't be having a lesson today kids. Have to prepare for Paul's funeral. So go to your homes until we get everything ready. There's nothing we can do either way..."</p><p>Negan nodded , very unsure. He had to tell Daryl. After the funeral, he would take Rick to the Sanctuary. Didn't want him to be going through all that since Alexandria would sure be fallen in grief after the funeral. </p><p>He picked Rick in his arms and looked at him as they walked away. </p><p>"Why did Paul have to get killed, Negan?" Rick sobbed with a grievance. </p><p>"I don't know Rick..." Negan mumbled at him "wish I could have an answer to that..."</p><p>He rubbed his palm to Rick's back, trying to soothe him. "Let's go inform your uncle Daryl as well"</p><p>Rick nodded and rested his head on Negan's shoulder as he walked back to the Grimes household and feeling a fear growing inside of him.</p>
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<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Kindness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Be good for Negan, alright?" Daryl said as he hugged Rick. His eyes had turned red from all that crying. It was devastating for him to get to attend Paul's funeral. He had to live for many more years. It was very unfair that he had to go like that. </p><p>Rick nodded as he could see his uncle's sadness. Negan came towards them with Rick's bag in hand. </p><p>"Take Rick to the Sanctuary and I'll keep you informed" Daryl mumbled to Negan. They had to uncover what had happened to Jesus. </p><p>Negan sighed and gave him a comforting hug. </p><p>"I will, same for Judith. If you find anything, call me immediately" Negan said to him. </p><p>Daryl hugged Rick as well. Didn't think that they would be having any lessons these days and better so. Rick was safer with Negan. </p><p>"I'll miss you, Rick. When it is safe we'll see each other again though, ok?" </p><p>"Yes uncle Daryl" Rick promised as he hugged him as well. </p><p>Negan looked at him and took his hand in his. He turned his back on the Grimes house so that they could go to the car. </p><p>On the one hand he felt good that Rick was coming back to their home and on the other Alexandria was in a rough place right now. </p><p>---</p><p>When they returned, Negan walked with Rick to his room and they sat at his bed. </p><p>Rick rested his small head on Negan's shoulder as he thought of Jesus. He had always been very kind to him. </p><p>"Why did he have to go...?" Rick questioned with sadness in his voice.</p><p>Negan let out a sigh. Didn't know the "why", at least not yet. </p><p>"There are bad people out there, Rick" Negan drawled "who want to harm others. That happened with Jesus as well"</p><p>"What if they find us though?" Rick asked him with worry in his eyes. </p><p>Negan hugged him to comfort him. </p><p>"Then I'll do everything I can to keep you safe. Everything" Negan promised to Rick. </p><p>"I've missed you too, Dad" Rick sobbed out "I am sorry for saying all these harsh things..."</p><p>"Shh," Negan said as he rocked him gently "don't have to apologize for anything. Although I don't want you to have any more interactions with Justin. He has a lot of hatred inside him. Don't want that anywhere near you..."</p><p>"I think that the kids at the Sanctuary hate me..." Rick said bitterly. </p><p>"They are just grown up differently. I never want you to be like them though. You are a kind person Rick. Don't want you to lose this kindness. I know that I had neglected you and I'm sorry. You'll see though, we'll be doing a lot together and you'll not have time to get bored again"</p>
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<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Reversed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan blinked his eyes and looked at the rays that were coming from outside the window. He sighed and shifted his body to look at Rick who had fallen asleep next to him yesterday night. He expected to see kid Rick but instead, the grown-up version was very much alive and sleeping next to him. Negan covered his mouth with his hand as he couldn't believe in his own eyes. Adult Rick was back. </p><p>"Rick! Rick!" he shook him by the arm to wake him up. He wanted to see him responding. </p><p>"Carl let me sleep..." Rick groaned with sleepiness. </p><p>"I am not Carl, Rick. I'm Negan" Negan replied as he shook him again. </p><p>Rick's eyes opened widely at that and sat up abruptly. He looked at Negan and then at himself and thankfully he was wearing pajamas. </p><p>Negan was staring at him equally surprised. </p><p>"Aghh" Rick yelped and stood up. He saw the door and made a run for it. </p><p>"What the hell," Negan thought to himself but he stood up as well and hurried after him. He saw Rick running and Dwight at the end of the corridor. </p><p>"Dwight stop him!" Negan shouted at him. Dwight's eyes widened but he tripped Rick with his foot. </p><p>"Ouch" Rick grumbled as he hit the hard floor and looked at Negan and Dwight with fear in his eyes. </p><p>Dwight and Negan exchanged a shocked look at seeing Rick after 6 long years. </p><p>"What are you gonna do to me?" Rick demanded as he looked afraid of them both "Did you kidnap me? Let me go..."</p><p>"Rick..." Negan drawled "six years ago you turned into a baby and I've been taking care of you ever since"</p><p>Rick froze at that but hurried to stand up and started running again. </p><p>"Goddammit," Negan growled and followed him in hurry. </p><p>Rick was looking for a way out of there but couldn't find it. Negan was almost catching up to him though. </p><p>Suddenly Negan grabbed his arm and pressed him against the wall. </p><p>Rick tried his hardest to get him off of him. </p><p>"Hey, hey!" Negan demanded "calm down. Not gonna hurt you"</p><p>"Yeah right!" Rick spat out "you kidnapped me. You want me as your prisoner. Admit it already. I won't sit and wait for you to put me in a cell and torture me"</p><p>"No one is gonna torture you," Negan said to him as his frown deepened "you are clearly in a confusion. Come back to my room so that we can talk"</p><p>"Did you drug me or something?" Rick questioned with anger "I would never be in your room willingly. Maybe you raped me as well..."</p><p>Negan got angry at that. Great, adult Rick was back and the first thing to do was to accuse him of freaking raping him. </p><p>Dwight appeared by the corner and glared at the both of them as Negan was having Rick pressed against the wall.</p><p>"Dwight go find something to tie him up," Negan said to him in a cold tone. Rick swallowed hard at that and tried to get away but Negan's grip on him tightened. </p><p>"Let me go" he repeated although more weakly now that Negan was mad at him. </p><p>"Not happening" Negan replied "you're gonna listen to me real close"</p><p>Just in time, Dwight came back with a pair of handcuffs and Negan turned Rick around to put them on despite his struggles. </p><p>Last night he was reading him a story for bedtime and now he was doing that. Negan had to hold himself to not break down crying his eyes out right there.</p>
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<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Saviors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan made Rick sit down on the couch and looked at him closely. He hadn't aged a day. How was that even possible?</p><p>Rick was trying hard to stay calm but he was handcuffed and Negan was examining him like he was something he had not seen before in his whole life.</p><p>"What do you want from me?" Rick asked after some moments of silence.</p><p>"So you don't remember anything?" Negan questioned and felt a sadness overflowing him. </p><p>"Remember what thing?" Rick replied in exasperation. </p><p>"That you were turned to a baby and then kid!" Negan demanded. </p><p>"Are you crazy Negan? You took me from my house for who knows what reason" Rick snapped at him. </p><p>Negan felt tears threatening to fall from his eyes. </p><p>"Stand up" he ordered and Rick complied after giving him a very weird glare. </p><p>Negan led him out of his bedroom and to Rick's room that he had made for him. </p><p>"Don't you remember that?" he said as he showed him the kid's room. </p><p>Rick looked around with a blank expression. </p><p>"Why are you showing me some random kid room?" he asked with annoyance. </p><p>Negan growled at that and led him back to his room. His days with kid Rick were over and the adult version was infuriating him already. </p><p>Rick turned around to face Negan and had anger in his eyes. </p><p>"I won't say it again, Negan. Let me free" </p><p>"You are not going anywhere, Rick. I am gonna keep you in my room for as long as it takes to remember these past six years. I am refusing to get that you don't remember anything"</p><p>"Remember what thing? That I was a baby and then a kid? You have to at least get that this is out of the realm of logic!" Rick spat out. </p><p>"Oh really?" Negan demanded "For us that we had to live with it though, it was very very real. I didn't tell you that unicorns exist although after your case everything is possible!"</p><p>"Let me get this straight...one day, six years ago, I turned into a baby, and you...what? You felt bad for me?"</p><p>"Daryl, Carl, and Michonne tried to hide your "turning" but I found out. Then I decide to take you so that you would stay here with me. I've been raising you ever since. You were going to Alexandria for school...-"</p><p>"Can't believe your audacity to be saying these lies" Rick interrupted him "Alexandria doesn't have a school. You've almost left kids without food. There certainly isn't a school"</p><p>"There is because we- the simple humans - are six years older than you remember!" Negan shot at him. </p><p>"You are lying" Rick answered as his mouth turned to a straight line "don't worry though. There is no way they will leave me to your hands...-"</p><p>Negan let out a bitter chuckle. </p><p>"No one is coming to "save you" Rick. You are gonna discover that very soon"</p><p>Rick scoffed at that and kicked the glass table in front of him in anger and frustration.</p>
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<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Amnesia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan was staring at Rick from his bed where he had sat down and couldn't believe that the adult version was back. He already missed kid Rick horribly. Adult Rick hated him except for not remembering anything that had happened to him.</p><p>Rick looked back at him from the couch and he had anger in his eyes. </p><p>"For how long are you planning to keep me tied up?" he asked. </p><p>Negan sighed and stood up. He walked closer to Rick and sat down opposite him. </p><p>"I am not the same person as you remember. Six years changed me, you changed me. It is very frustrating to me that you don't seem to remember anything"</p><p>"If you've changed as you say, let me go back to my home. My kids probably miss me...-" Rick demanded. </p><p>"Carl isn't a kid. He is a young adult who is training at Hilltop as a blacksmith. Judith has grown up as well...they are not the kids they were six years ago"</p><p>Rick felt frustration and sadness inside of him. So he had lost his kids' lives and wasn't even remembering it? </p><p>"You are lying" he repeated in denial.</p><p>"Ok Rick, let's say I'm lying. Do tell me what you did yesterday since you remember?" Negan asked him. </p><p>Rick sighed and tried to think. It should be something easy to recall what he did the day before. If he had gotten into a fight with Negan and then he kidnapped him, but he didn't remember anything. </p><p>"You could have done something to me and that's why I don't remember" Rick grumbled. </p><p>"I didn't do anything to you. I never did these past six years. Just wanted to care for you and to see you grow up into..."  Negan sobbed out "someone who maybe would be proud of me. But guess that you don't remember anything, so it is pointless to try"</p><p>Rick frowned at his reaction, but he didn't remember anything. </p><p>"I will let you go tomorrow, alright?" Negan said to him with pain in his voice "just stay for today in case you do remember..."</p><p>Rick didn't answer but he knew that he wouldn't let him go even if he declined. He doubted that he would be letting him go tomorrow as well. </p><p>Negan brought the key to the handcuffs to release him. It was pointless to be keeping him tied up. Wished that Rick wouldn't punch him in the face though. Rick saw him walking hesitantly closer to him and stood up so that Negan could get these handcuffs off him at last.</p>
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<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Locked up</h2></a>
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    <p>Rick had curled by the window and was staring outside longingly. Didn't his people realize that he had been kidnapped? </p><p>Negan was sitting behind an office and was checking out some papers. Rick was afraid that he would lock him in a cell and be torturing him just to make him suffer. </p><p>"What are you gonna do to me?" Rick questioned and Negan let the paper that he was holding down. Had tried hard to distract himself with something else and not think that adult Rick was back and was thinking only the worst of him. </p><p>"Told you. You are gonna stay here today and tomorrow I'll take you to Alexandria since you want that so badly..." Negan drawled despite how much miserable he was feeling on the inside. </p><p>"Can't I just go now?" Rick asked defensively. </p><p>"No. You absolutely can not" Negan answered decisively. </p><p>"Kill me already if that's what you are gonna do" Rick snapped at him "stop playing with my feelings"</p><p>"Told you already that I'm not gonna harm you but you don't get it. Ok then, I am gonna torture you first and then kill you...eventually. Isn't that what you want to hear? So that you can keep the picture of a monster in your head?"</p><p>"You are a monster," Rick said bitterly "will never think of you in any other way. Daryl, Michonne, or the kids will realize that you have me...-"</p><p>"I have you with their blessings, Rick. They've handed you to me. Sure at the beginning, I took you from them out of a whim and didn't like it, but now not only they have accepted that fact, it would never cross their mind to take you from me again. That until you changed back to your adult self of course..." Negan grumbled in a grumpy tone. </p><p>"Why do I even bother to talk to you?" Rick questioned "everything that comes out of you are all lies" </p><p>Negan stood up and grabbed his room's key. </p><p>"I have a compound to run Rick. You are right. It is pointless to be talking. Enjoy the rest of your day locked up here. I may come back later to have some fun with you. I've missed a good torture..." Negan said to him pointedly. </p><p>Rick let out a whimper but didn't backtalk. </p><p>Negan walked out of the room and locked the door behind him. Rick sighed in misery. </p><p>How would he get out of this situation?</p>
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<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Rage</h2></a>
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    <p>Negan supported himself from the wall because he didn't think that he could stand on his own. </p><p>"Negan?" questioned a worried voice behind him. </p><p>The person moved in front of him and it was Sherry who was on her last month of pregnancy. </p><p>"Dwight told me..." she said with hesitation "is it true? Is he back?"</p><p>Negan took in a shaky breath. </p><p>"It is, but he doesn't remember anything. Hasn't aged either. It's like these six years never happened for him" Negan said as his eyes filled up with tears. </p><p>"But...how?" Sherry mumbled very confusedly. </p><p>"Don't know and it just causes me so much pain. Just yesterday night I was reading him a bedtime story and now he hates me. Had to tie him up. I just wish he could remember..."</p><p>"I am sure he will, Negan" Sherry tried to comfort him "so much love that this kid had been given all these years...it can't go away that easily"</p><p>"Don't want to let him go" Negan sobbed out "he is not my little kid anymore though. He will fight his hardest to be let free and away from me..."</p><p>"I know it's hard, but you shouldn't keep him with force. Let him go back to his home and he'll realize things on his own" Sherry attempted to think logically. </p><p>Negan wiped the tears from his cheeks. </p><p>"It's not only that. Things at Alexandria are not good since Paul's funeral some days ago. Took him back here to protect him. Now how will I let him go back to danger? He might not be a kid anymore but he is Rick. The one I've wanted back for so many years. Can't let him get harmed. He hates me though. Hell, he can't even believe that Alexandria has a school nowadays" Negan said in bitterness. </p><p>Sherry sighed as this was a very difficult situation. </p><p>"Where is he now?" she asked. </p><p>"Locked him in my room. Won't be putting him in a cell of course but couldn't let him go away either"</p><p>"Don't leave him all alone, Negan. Spend some time with him...who knows maybe he will calm down"</p><p>"Doubt it but I'll try. Don't stress yourself..." Negan said to her as he didn't want her to be influenced by his dramas with Rick "you have a baby boy or gal that needs calmness"</p><p>Sherry rubbed her hand to her belly as she sighed. </p><p>"This kid is gonna be just fine, Negan. Rick, on the other hand, is the one that needs to be calm right now"</p><p>They exchanged one more look and Sherry walked away to go to her room to lay down a bit. </p><p>Negan looked behind his back in the direction of his room where Rick was locked up in. He just didn't know how to cope. </p><p>---</p><p>Rick had lost track of how much time had passed. He thought he would be losing his mind locked up in his enemy's room. He walked to the door and tried his hardest to break it. </p><p>"Damn you Negan!" he yelled out. </p><p>He saw a bookshelf on his left and walked to it. Since he wasn't letting him go, he was gonna destroy Negan's things. </p><p>Started removing the very well tidied up books and threw them to the door. Not only them but things too. He felt a weird satisfaction to see Negan's room get ruined. </p><p>Next was the bed. He threw the bed covers to the floor. Soon enough the room in a terrible situation. He even destroyed Negan's papers that were left at the table. </p><p>He just didn't care about the possible consequences of when Negan would see what he had done to his precious room. He was past the point of caring. </p><p>Rick was on the verge of tears when he saw a book that he hadn't thrown to the floor yet. </p><p>He walked closer to it and picked it in his hands. Was ready to ruin it as well when he saw the title. It was a kids' book from an animated movie called "Finding Nemo".</p><p>Was ready to cut it in half but he just couldn't get himself to do it. He held the book in his hands and held it tightly against his chest as he started sobbing hard. Rested his head against the bed as everything around him was a complete mess.</p>
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<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Insult</h2></a>
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    <p>Negan walked back to his room hoping they could discuss with Rick more civilized.</p><p>He unlocked the door and froze at the sight he came across. His bedroom was in ruins. Rick had broken almost everything and was breathing heavily from the other side of the room. Negan felt rage inside of him. Who gave him the right to be destroying his things. He closed the door behind him and locked it again.</p><p>"Will you explain what the hell you did to my room?!" Negan demanded. Rick just stood in his place without talking. </p><p>Negan was very angry. Rick had no right to be breaking his things.</p><p>"Not talking now, huh?" Negan questioned as he walked closer to him."There is a fine line Rick and you crossed it"</p><p>Rick looked right square in his eyes.</p><p>"You crossed it first by keeping me hostage. I wanted to destroy your room and I did it"</p><p>Negan pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to calm down.</p><p>"This is an insult to yourself Rick. You spent most of your years as a baby and kid in this very same room, but sure...destroy it to get back on me"</p><p>"Punish me for it then, beat me up," Rick challenged him as he knew for sure that there would be a punishment for what he did.</p><p>Negan stood in front of him with a sore expression.</p><p>"I will not" he answered plainly "gonna fix this mess and then you'll be eating with me. I refuse to play your little game. You got your revenge, alright? Hope it gave you the satisfaction you wanted"</p><p>With that, he turned his back on Rick to clean up whatever he could. </p><p>Didn't know how much more he could swallow down for Rick's sake. First, the kid version wanted to get away from him, and now all that crap with the adult one who couldn't understand that he gave a damn about him. </p><p>He sighed to himself and picked up the bed covers from the floor when he saw Finding Nemo on the bed and it was intact. Picked it up and looked at it bitterly. He couldn't understand why Rick didn't ruin it as well. Maybe he thought that it belonged to some poor kid and he had stolen it from them. He left it at the bedside table and continued putting the covers back in place. </p><p>Rick stood in his place and watched Negan react to the kid's book. He seemed very sad to him. Rick looked around and he had indeed done quite a number on Negan's room. He should help clean it up since he was the one that had done all that. </p><p>Started picking up books and putting them back on the shelf. Negan noticed that Rick started helping and stared at him as he leaned down to pick up the things he had thrown to the floor. </p><p>Maybe he felt bad for what he did. Just maybe. </p><p>---</p><p>Negan sighed as he brought to Rick a dish with spaghetti and red sauce. Rick rolled his eyes slightly but didn't comment. Negan sat opposite from him and thankfully the room was somewhat better now. Some things would have to go to the trash but still... </p><p>They started eating in silence as Negan wasn't in the mood to say anything. </p><p>"I'm..." Rick started hesitantly "I'm sorry for destroying your room"</p><p>Negan looked up at him and shook his head slightly. </p><p>"I know that you don't care, but thanks anyway..." he mumbled. </p><p>"Why do you have a book from an animated movie in your room?" Rick questioned out of sudden. </p><p>"I took it from a kid at Alexandria because I'm sadistic like that. Half of your things belong to me, right?" Negan answered as it was pointless to be saying again that Rick had turned into a baby. </p><p>"Right" Rick answered plainly. </p><p>"I will let you go to your home tomorrow, you can rest easy tonight. At least when Daryl was here, he didn't cause the troubles you did. I might take him in your place"</p><p>"Not gonna happen" Rick answered with coldness. </p><p>"Why not, Rick? I might make him a Savior this time" </p><p>"You won't be getting him again," Rick said sharply and defensively. </p><p>"We will see" Negan drawled with a calculating glare. </p><p>Rick finished his spaghetti although with a much lesser appetite than before. Was afraid of what Negan would do to the people he cared about. </p><p>"I will sleep" Negan announced as he was tired of cleaning up Rick's mess "you can do whatever you want but without noise"</p><p>"Fine..." Rick grumbled and watched Negan as he walked to the bathroom to change into pajamas.</p>
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<a name="section0041"><h2>41. What could have been</h2></a>
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    <p>Rick couldn't believe Negan's audacity. He had him locked up and now he had laid to bed for a nap. Plus he demanded to not be making noises. The nerve of that guy. </p><p>He was contemplating to find something sharp enough and kill him in his sleep as they had done to his precious Saviors, but there was no way they would let him live if he did that. No, he had to wait. To go back to Alexandria. His friends would be on his side when they would find out that Negan kidnapped him and would make a plan to get him out of the way once and for all. Could hold on until tomorrow. </p><p>He sighed in frustration as he looked around. Had already destroyed Negan's room, what else was left to do? He saw the Finding Nemo book at Negan's bedside table and thought to pick it up since he was bored already. </p><p>Who knows why the hell Negan took it. It was just a book for kids. Nothing of value. He guessed that when you were a sadistic person, it didn't matter. Rick grabbed the book and laid on Negan's black leather couch. He opened up the book and started reading. It was about a kid fish and his father. </p><p>"And Dory said: When life gets you down, do you wanna know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..." </p><p>Rick felt a pain in his head and heard an echo of a male voice sing songing these lines and the sound of a baby chuckling. He grabbed his head in frustration as the echoes started fading as soon as they came to him. The room was completely silent otherwise. </p><p>What the hell was that? He closed the book again in a hurry. Didn't want to keep reading. It was for kids anyways. He looked in Negan's direction and his face transformed to hatred. Negan was to blame for his undoing. </p><p>Stood up and left the book back to the bedside table. He fell face down on the couch and closed his eyes. Didn't want to be thinking anything. Some time of a dreamless sleep would do him good before he would have to deal with Negan again. </p><p>---</p><p>Negan was tossing and turning in his sleep. He was at a grassy field. Not so far away was Rick staring at something. </p><p>He hesitated at first but decided to approach him. </p><p>"Isn't it funny?" he questioned in a very weird tone. </p><p>"What is it...?" Negan questioned as he couldn't understand. </p><p>Rick raised his hand and touched a mirror that had appeared out of nowhere in front of them. Instead of seeing their reflections though, there was the kid Rick version. He wasn't a kid though anymore. </p><p>He was a young man around his thirties and was dressed as a groom. Next to him was a beautiful girl with a white gown, she was glowing with happiness. She was smiling at Rick as he leaned in to kiss her. </p><p>"Is that Gracie?" Negan asked Rick. They both looked so happy and healthy. </p><p>Rick ignored his question and tapped at the mirror. It broke into tiny little pieces and fell at the grass. Negan saw the image of kid Rick and Gracie as a groom and bride get destroyed right before his widened eyed. </p><p>Adult Rick turned to face him and his eyes were red and teared up. </p><p>"He didn't make it to happiness and neither did I. You are to blame for this. You, Negan! You!" Rick shouted at him and Negan woke up abruptly, with sweat all over his face. </p><p>He tried to catch his breath and felt his pulse on his neck that was racing. Negan sighed and laid back down. He stared at the ceiling wondering what had gone so wrong with him to have to suffer this much.</p>
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<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Alexandria</h2></a>
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    <p>Morning came eventually and Negan had to let Rick go. He wasn't eager at all of the reactions there would be when they'd see Rick after six whole years. They had said to them that he had disappeared after all to cover the fact that he had turned into a baby. He would have to spill the whole truth to them. Plus Rick would be in for a surprise as well since his buddy Daryl was going to be on the "bad guy's" side instead of his. </p><p>"Come on," he said to Rick coldly "your hostage situation is over. I will take you to Alexandria"</p><p>"About time it was" Rick replied with annoyance. </p><p>Negan unlocked the door and started walking to the car. Rick could hear weird murmurs around him from people and glances. </p><p>"Isn't that Rick Grimes?" he heard a man saying and several others mumbling things in return. </p><p>Rick felt embarrassed that they were saying things about him and didn't even understand why. Was he enemy number one at the Sanctuary or something? </p><p>Negan seemed unfaced as he led Rick outside and to his car. He started driving with a sore expression on his face. Rick would be away from him once again and this time it was permanent. How he'd be seeing him when Rick hated everything about him? </p><p>"It would be for the best to just drop me off and go," Rick said suddenly.</p><p>"Why? Afraid for my safety?' Negan questioned as he raised his eyebrow. Rick let out a scoff at that but didn't answer. </p><p>"I own you, Rick. Alexandria is mine. So if I want to drop by, I will. Want to talk with your friend Daryl. Ask what he thinks of the prospect of becoming my prisoner again..."</p><p>Rick's face turned red from his anger. </p><p>"We will never become your little Saviors. Nor Daryl. You can threaten us all you want. Don't care"</p><p>Negan shot him a glare. Rick was as stubborn as he remembered. Which maybe was something fascinating to him six years ago but not anymore. </p><p>Now it was just annoying. </p><p>---</p><p>Rick got out of the car and looked at Alexandria. He was glad to be seeing his home again. Thought that Negan would keep him locked up and not return him. </p><p>"Come on," Negan said as he grabbed him by the hand. The sooner he got through this, the better. Rick shot him a look of annoyance but followed behind him. The gates got opened and Rick froze at what he saw in front of him. </p><p>To say that Alexandria was different would be an understatement. The houses were all painted and fixed. Two kids passed by them chasing each other and laughing.</p><p>

Rick walked closer to a wooden signal that was pointing in different directions. It wrote "Alexandria's Gardens, Alexandria's school" and many other things that didn't exist before. </p><p>Rick stood frozen looking around. Everything was so much different. Negan stood beside him and glanced at him. </p><p>"It's an optical illusion, Rick," he said with a tone of sarcasm "I did it to trick you once again"</p><p>Rick turned to face him and wanted to snap at him. </p><p>"This is not funny. What the hell did you do?" he said with anger. This was all Negan's plan to deceive him. </p><p>Negan narrowed his eyes at him. </p><p>"No, it's not funny at all. You are right. Let's go meet your illusional friends now so that we can fool you all together"</p><p>With that, he grabbed Rick's hand once again to lead him to his friends and family.</p>
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<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Reunited</h2></a>
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    <p>"How could you say such a lie to us?" Gabriel questioned in exasperation. They had gathered to the Grimes house at Rick's old room after Negan came to Alexandria with Rick who had disappeared - as they had told them at least - for six whole years. </p><p>Found out that Richard wasn't a random kid that Negan had found but Rick who had turned into a baby. Daryl was very sore as he couldn't believe in his eyes when he opened the door and saw Negan with adult Rick. </p><p>Their reunion didn't last long though as Negan had insisted that Rick stayed downstairs so that he could talk to them on his own. Rick was still in shock so he didn't have time to complain as they left to talk without him. </p><p>Aaron hadn't said a word up to this point when he suddenly turned to address Negan. </p><p>"My daughter, my Gracie, fell in love with Rick. Do you understand how serious that is? Did you even think how much pain that would cause her? We are talking about a man with two kids"</p><p>Negan sighed as he got his anger. What could he possibly have done though? </p><p>"I know, believe me, it wasn't easy for me either. He is my arch-nemesis. Thought that he would never turn back into an adult again. He was just a kid like Gracie. He had feelings, needs...I couldn't prevent or stop it"</p><p>Aaron was not happy with Negan's explanation as they'd been lied to for all these years. </p><p>"Who else knew about this?" Gabriel intervened as he tried to be calmer. </p><p>"Me, Daryl, Carl, and Michonne" Negan said as he shot a glare to Daryl and Michonne. Carl was still at the Hilltop and Judith was outside playing. Was to return in an hour. </p><p>"We didn't want Negan to take him at first, we were very negative..." Michonne intervened as she tried to explain their point of view "but he did and took care of Rick for all these years better than we could have ever done. Don't be mad at him. We needed to protect Rick. With all costs"</p><p>"He has no recall of the last six years though," Negan told them seriously "Hasn't aged a day either and he still hates me for the record. Doesn't believe anything I've been saying to him. Be prepared that he will say to you that I kidnapped him"</p><p>They all looked at the wooden floor as they didn't know what would be the best way to deal with this. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Michonne went to open it and it was Rick who looked at all of them very weirdly. </p><p>Daryl moved closer to him and gave him a tight hug. </p><p>"We missed you so much Rick" he sobbed out "I've missed you so much..."</p><p>Everyone nodded in agreement and Negan was unsure of what he should say. </p><p>Rick's eyes met Negan's and he stepped back from his best friend's hug. </p><p>"He," Rick said as he pointed at Negan "should get the hell out of my house. Why are you even talking to him?" </p><p>Daryl looked between Rick and Negan as the latter averted his eyes in pain. </p><p>"Negan is welcomed here Rick. He didn't kidnap you as you've been thinking..." Daryl drawled. </p><p>"He told me he wants to have you as his prisoner again," Rick said defensively. </p><p>"It is called sarcasm" Negan interrupted him as he crossed his arms above his chest "I and Daryl are more than fine for so many years now. Would never hurt him again"</p><p>Daryl nodded and Rick was at a loss for words. </p><p>"Didn't kidnap you either Rick" Michonne said to him "he's been raising you, you were his adopted kid and he cared very much for you. We had all seen it"</p><p>"He," Rick said defensively "slaughtered Glenn and Abraham! Bashed their heads in. Let's agree that what you say is true and indeed this craziness happened to me. Did you give me to him? To raise me?"</p><p>"We did" Daryl replied "and don't regret it even for a minute. If you calm down, you'll see it too...-"</p><p>Rick took a deep breath. </p><p>"All I want is for Negan to leave," he said "now"</p><p>"Technically this is Daryl's house and not yours anymore" Negan answered with a cold tone. He didn't want to leave. "So you can't make me leave"</p><p>Gabriel sighed and motioned for everyone else to get going. Should leave the three of them alone, because it looked like dark clouds were gathering above the Grimes household.</p>
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<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Orders</h2></a>
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    <p>A silence fell to the room as everyone else left them alone. </p><p>Rick took a deep breath and stared at Negan. </p><p>"What do you want from me? To say that I owe you eternal gratitude? Wish we had never crossed paths with you"</p><p>"Rick" Daryl interrupted as he tried to defend Negan "don't talk to him in that manner. He has been trying his hardest"</p><p>"It's ok Daryl," Negan said in bitterness as he walked closer to Daryl "don't ask from ungrateful human beings too much"</p><p>"OR maybe you want me to get on my knees and suck your dick as you'd been saying to me, huh?!" Rick snapped in anger. </p><p>Negan scoffed at that. </p><p>"All I want is time with you and I'll be getting it. Six years you were mine and I'm not ready to give that up. Sure, you're not a kid anymore but I'll be reminding you of my presence either you want it or not"</p><p>"What do you say about all that?" Rick asked Daryl. </p><p>"I am saying that you should both try. This is very hard for all of us. Don't make it more difficult"</p><p>"I want him gone. Don't wish to be seeing this monster of a man..." Rick said in frustration. </p><p>"How do you call yourself Rick for what you've done? Killing people in their sleep? Wow, what a saint" Negan said. "I'm done arguing. You're gonna accept things as they are and spend time with me as requested. Starting from the day after tomorrow. I am generous like that to give you a day to cool down"</p><p>"Do what he wants, please Rick" Daryl begged him "give Negan a chance"</p><p>"Like I had a chance, huh?" Rick questioned "Why didn't you keep me here? Would have been better off with you"</p><p>"That's what we wanted at first," Daryl said apologetically "saw Negan's care though over a very short period and couldn't take you from him. Could you ever give Judith to someone else when you care for her so much? I couldn't take you from him either and it's not to say that we were unable to raise you, just Negan was better for you despite hard to believe"</p><p>"All I know is that you handed me over to our enemy," Rick said in anger "Now the home isn't mine anymore apparently and I'm forced to be spending time with Negan when I don't want to...-"</p><p>"Life is tough like that Rick" Negan interrupted him "you're gonna do what I'm telling you. End of story"</p><p>Rick stormed out of the room and hurried downstairs. He didn't want to be seeing either of them.</p>
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<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Uncle Daryl knows best</h2></a>
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    <p>"Why are you giving him commands Negan?" Daryl asked as he was very frustrated "I mean wouldn't you lash out as well?"</p><p>"So I should just let him go and forget it?" Negan demanded to know. He was equally frustrated and sad. </p><p>"No, ok? Take it easy on Rick though. Don't be saying to him "you'll do what I want and end of story". He got scared away. It's too much for Rick already. Why do you have to make it even harder?"</p><p>"I don't know what to do..." Negan said bitterly. </p><p>Daryl sighed and pulled him in for a hug. </p><p>"Look, let him calm down and he'll accept you gradually. Don't threaten him and don't force things on him. You heard kid Rick out and his wants, don't go back to evil ways. That's not you, not anymore"</p><p>Negan had been very hard on Rick and he would lose him forever if he continued like that. </p><p>"You'd always been controlling but don't do that to him. He needs time and you can build a new relationship with him. We all have to do that..."</p><p>"How will I do that though Daryl? From a distance?" Negan asked as he took a step back to look at Daryl. </p><p>"He is very strong-minded Negan. We both know that. Hates being controlled"</p><p>"I'll miss baby and kid Rick" Negan sobbed out. His heart aching still from the dream he'd seen. </p><p>"I know..." Daryl replied hesitantly "He was a blessing, he was. But adult Rick is too and even more because he's our Rick. Not someone else. We shouldn't waste the opportunity of getting him back in our lives. Promise, you asshole?" </p><p>Negan let out a small chuckle despite his sadness. </p><p>"Fine, I'll try..." he promised. </p><p>"Where would you be without me?" Daryl asked teasingly. </p><p>"Eh..." Negan sniffled "probably dead"</p><p>"Exactly, so you should hear uncle Daryl out or I'll shoot you with the crossbow," Daryl said as he poked him. "Rick won't be alone after all. I'll take care of him. Plus poor Rick was made to think that he doesn't have a home anymore. This will always be his home. There are so many unvacated houses. Won't be taking over his of course. So yeah...don't be an ass please"</p><p>"Want him back to the Sanctuary..." Negan said with a grievance. </p><p>"I know that you do but he'll have to want it too. Stop worrying Negan and everything will be fine. You'll see..." Daryl promised. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. The monster</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rick was sitting on the couch and he had wrapped his arms around a pillow holding it against his chest. Negan walked down the stairs and looked at him. </p><p>Rick felt himself tensing up as he stared back at him and their eyes met. Wasn't in the mood for another argument. Negan hesitated a bit but walked closer to him. </p><p>"What do you want? To order me again?" Rick mumbled. </p><p>"No, don't want to be ordering you. I'm just frustrated. You are more though. I will stay away from you no matter how much it pains me. You don't need to worry..."</p><p>Rick let out a sigh he had been holding. </p><p>"I'll do whatever you want. Just don't hurt anyone from my family" Rick said eventually. </p><p>"Rick you don't have t...-" Negan started as he could get that Rick was doing it out of fear and not want. </p><p>"Give me one day, ok? I need it. It won't hurt me to spend some time with you...I guess" Rick drawled. </p><p>Negan swallowed dryly. He didn't want Rick to live in fear. At least not anymore. </p><p>"Alright, you can change your mind though. I will come by either way. If you don't want to, just say it and I'll leave"</p><p>"Ok..." Rick agreed hesitantly "I'll keep it in mind..."</p><p>"See you in two days then" Negan coughed awkwardly. Rick gave him a small nod in return and saw him walking out of his house. </p><p>He should feel joy now that his enemy was gone but he was feeling sadness instead. Like a part of him had just left. </p><p>Daryl walked down as well and approached him hesitantly. Sat beside him and they stayed in silence. </p><p>"He won't be doing anything to you without wanting to or agreeing. Want you to know that. You're not his prisoner and he shouldn't be treating you as one"</p><p>Rick turned to look at him. </p><p>"How can you even attempt to explain his behavior? He had me locked up in his room for two days. If he gets mad who knows what he'll be doing. I have to protect my family. Knows that I'll obey to keep them safe" Rick said. </p><p>"I know that you don't remember anything of the life you had these six years but I promise that he did care for you. It wasn't an act. He is having a hard time processing things. Negan is not harming us though anymore"</p><p>Rick remained silent as he had his doubts about all that. </p><p>How could a monster like Negan care for him or anyone for the matter?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Judith</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So...how did I turn into a baby exactly?" Rick questioned Daryl. He wanted to know his perspective. </p><p>Daryl let out a sigh. </p><p>"Carl found you as a baby laying on your bed. He called me and Michonne immediately and we were shocked as well. Don't know how that is even possible. Well, Walkers exist, so I guess everything could happen, right? We were very frustrated and then Negan was banging on the door with Lucille since it was a pickup day. I hid you in the closet so that we would open up to him. As you can imagine he got mad that you weren't there to greet them. We tried to cover our tracks but you started crying in that closet and that's how he found you. He believed it almost immediately that you were indeed yourself as a baby and then he decided to take you and go. Carl was devastated. Even sneaked into the Sanctuary to make sure he wasn't harming you"</p><p>Rick was feeling overwhelmed by all that. It was too much to take in. He wasn't remembering any of it either. </p><p>Suddenly someone knocked on the front door and Daryl stood up to open it. </p><p>He saw Judith on the other side with tears rolling down her cheeks. </p><p>"Saw Michonne. Is...is that true?" she asked, holding her breath. </p><p>"It is Judith" Daryl confirmed. Judith ran in and to their living room. Her dad was there. </p><p>"Dad!" Judith sobbed out as she fell into his arms. </p><p>Rick hugged her back tightly. He was feeling so weird that she was a grown-up girl and not a baby anymore. </p><p>"Judy," he told her emotionally "I am so sorry for leaving you even without knowing it..." Rick's voice cracked as he cried as well. </p><p>Judith took a step back to look at him and had a small smile on her face despite the sadness. </p><p>"I guess in some weird way I always knew that you never left. You were right there even without knowing that. I've missed you so much though. So much..." Judith said emotionally. </p><p>"Will never leave you again Judith. We are gonna catch up. You've turned into the girl I always thought you would..." Rick smiled at her and felt bad that he had been removed from his daughter's life. At least she had so many people to take care of her. </p><p>"Carl is missing you very much as well," Judith said as she thought of how heartbreaking it would be when they'd all meet again. </p><p>"I've informed Hilltop to bring him back here as soon as possible" Daryl interfered as he wiped some tears from his cheek as well at seeing Rick and Judith hug again. "I believe tomorrow he'll be here"</p><p>"Can't wait" Rick said as he hugged Judith once more. He couldn't get enough hugs. </p><p>They had a lot of catching up to do to cover these six years he'd been turned into a baby.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Update</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>New chapters will be posted in some days. I would like to thank those who have taken the time to read and comment and will be back in a few days.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. A chance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan returned to the Sanctuary feeling loneliness overtaking him. The chances of Rick staying with him again were few to none. He didn't even want to be spending some time together. It was clear to him that he was doing it because he thought that his family would get hurt if he declined.</p><p>Knew that he shouldn't have talked to Rick aggressively but he got fed up with not being believed. Not to mention that he had broken his things and made a mess of his room. He wanted to understand Rick but his behavior was very erratic.</p><p>When Rick was a baby and then a kid he thought that his purpose in life would be to raise him to become like the Rick he remembered. Now he felt like there was no purpose in his life. Alexandria and the Sanctuary were at peace either way. His days of terrorizing Rick and his people were long gone. Rick had always been his focus since they met that fateful night. Without him, he felt empty.</p><p>He laid in bed and didn't know how he would manage two days when he was itching to go to Alexandria. Should try to respect Rick's decisions and let him calm down a bit. Maybe if he did, he would want to be spending some time with him as well.</p><p>Suddenly there was a knock on the door.</p><p>"Come in," Negan said as he sat up.</p><p>Sherry appeared by the door and got in closing the door behind her.</p><p>"Hey," she said, "heard that Rick got returned to Alexandria..."</p><p>Negan sighed.</p><p>"Yes, it is true. Couldn't keep him more. He was getting paranoid that I would be harming him..."</p><p>Sherry sat at the edge of the bed as to not be standing with her huge belly.</p><p>"I'm sorry..." Sherry said as she had seen Negan's efforts since day one "hopefully he will understand that you don't mean him any more harm"</p><p>"Yeah...hope so as well" Negan mumbled.</p><p>"What will you do with his room?" Sherry asked.</p><p>Negan had almost forgotten about Rick's room that was now useless since he wasn't a kid anymore.</p><p>"Nothing. It will stay for your kid when he or she grows up a bit. To have usage again since Rick won't be needing it anymore"</p><p>"Thank you," Sherry said gratefully. They had developed a good relationship with Negan after all these years. He had changed a lot. Things weren't like they used to.</p><p>"No problem" Negan replied although he felt bad that kid Rick wouldn't get to go or sleep in his room again.</p><p>---</p><p>"Dad" Carl sobbed as he wrapped his arms around his father. "You don't know how much I've missed you. Thought that you would never come back to us"</p><p>Rick cried as well as he held his son tightly. Carl was twenty years old now. He couldn't even wrap his mind around that concept.</p><p>"I've missed you too Carl. I can only imagine what you went through all these years while I was a baby and kid. I am here now for both you and Judith"</p><p>"I lost hope over the years..." Carl admitted as he wiped a tear from his one eye "thought that this was permanent"</p><p>"Thankfully it's not," Rick said in relief "we will cover the lost time and everything will be better now that we're together. Enough with the tears now, tell me about you" he added with a smile.</p><p>Carl smiled back at his father.</p><p>"I've been training as a blacksmith. I like it a lot and everyone at Hilltop are nice to me"</p><p>"Glad that you found something you like Carl, I truly am. Couldn't be more proud" Rick said feeling emotional.</p><p>Carl hesitated a bit but he had to ask.</p><p>"How are things with Negan? I know that it must have been hard for you..."</p><p>Rick frowned at that and let out a sigh.</p><p>"I can't believe I've been staying with Negan for six whole years. Now he demands time with me..."</p><p>"I get it, dad. It wasn't easy for me either. When he decided to take you from us, I was feeling awful. Like I betrayed you by letting him take you. But he did care, Dad"</p><p>"Yeah...that's what everyone had been saying, but I don't see his care. At least not yet"</p><p>"Give him a chance. This is hard for him as well. I'm sure he will warm up to you as he has warmed up to us"</p><p>"Don't think that he will leave me any other choice but I'll try to see him from your perspective. I haven't aged either. Super weird..."</p><p>"I would give a lot to be a teenager again," Carl said playfully and they shared a laugh.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Here's Negan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Mm," Rick said as he tasted Daryl's crepes "these are delicious. When did you turn into such a good cook?"</p><p>

Daryl smirked a bit as he finished making the crepes and sat down so that they would eat breakfast. </p><p>

"In six years a lot can happen. Plus I needed to up my game with three kids in the house" </p><p>

A knock was heard on the door and Rick froze. He didn't think that this knock was for good. Negan had said he would be coming by after all. </p><p>

"I'll go to open, don't get up," Daryl said as he stood up. </p><p>                   

Indeed after some moments, he heard Negan's voice greeting Daryl. Rick hid his face in his palms. He wasn't feeling ready to deal with Negan. Didn't know exactly when he would be ready though. Maybe he should fake being sick? </p><p>

Daryl walked with Negan to the kitchen and invited him to sit with them. </p><p>

Rick shot Negan a glare and he chose to sit on the chair next to his, specifically. </p><p>

"How are you, Rick?" Negan questioned as he looked at him. </p><p>

"Was trying to enjoy breakfast..." Rick said to him. /p&gt;

</p><p>

"We can all have breakfast together" Daryl intervened. </p><p>

He served a crepe for Negan as well who thanked him in response. </p><p>

They exchanged a glare with Daryl who shook his head slightly. He could see that Rick was still very negative towards Negan. </p><p>

Negan sighed and continued eating. </p><p>

Footsteps were heard walking down the stairs and Carl with Judith appeared at the kitchen's entrance. </p><p>

"Good morning" they greeted Daryl, Negan, and their Dad. </p><p>

"Good morning kids, come sit down to have breakfast with us. Your uncle Daryl made crepes" Daryl said with pride. </p><p>

Carl rolled his eyes at Daryl talking about himself in the third person, but they moved to sit down. </p><p>

Judith gave both Rick and Negan a hug that wasn't missed on Rick as he narrowed his eyes at him. Negan saw it and let Judith go to sit down as well. He swallowed dryly. Now he couldn't even show his love for Rick's kids... </p><p>

"Will you help me with math later on uncle Negan?" said Judith, unaware of her father's opinion on Negan. </p><p>

"We will see Judy..." Negan mumbled to not anger Rick "plus I'm sure that school will be opening again soon" </p><p>

"Wait," Rick said, "why is it closed?" </p><p>

Negan, Judith, and Carl all looked at him. </p><p>

"Didn't you tell him?" Carl asked Daryl who bit his bottom lip hesitantly. </p><p>

"Ermm no. Didn't think it would be appropriate since he just came back..." </p><p>

"School is closed because Jesus died," Carl said to his Dad "he was on a run with Aaron and someone stabbed him in the back. He fell dead immediately" </p><p>

Rick let out a sob as tears rolled down his cheeks. </p><p>

"No...not Paul" Rick cried out. </p><p>

"I'm sorry Dad..." Carl said as he could feel his pain "it wasn't fair...will find out who did it though. It's only a matter of time" </p><p>

Negan looked at Rick and felt bad that he couldn't comfort him somehow. They finished their breakfast in silence after that. </p><p>

Daryl had to take care of some things at Alexandria after breakfast and Carl said to Judith to go out for a walk since he was away from her these days. Wanted to spend some time with his sister. </p><p>

Rick realized that they were left alone with Negan who had turned his attention on him. </p><p>

"I'm sorry for Paul. Daryl told me that you guys were close..." Negan said to Rick. </p><p>

"We were" Rick confirmed. Wanted to find whoever was responsible. </p><p>

"Want to go out to take some fresh air?" Negan suggested. </p><p>

"Do I have a choice...?" Rick asked him. </p><p>

"Well yes, you can say “no" Negan answered defensively. </p><p>

"My daughter seems close to you," Rick said instead. </p><p>

Negan sighed in exasperation. </p><p>

"I love them and they love me back. Same as Daryl. What's wrong with that?" </p><p>

"Fine...we can go out, around here..." Rick agreed eventually. </p><p>

He put his brown jacket on and they both stepped out of the house. Rick didn't have the chance to walk around just yet. </p><p>

Alexandria was very different since he remembered. The gardens had all kinds of vegetables. It had always been a dream of his to create a garden just like that, but guess they had made it happen already. </p><p>

They stayed mostly in silence with Negan as he didn't know what to say to him. Suddenly a young girl appeared in front of them and her eyes widened when she saw Rick. </p><p>

Rick focused his attention on the kid and she looked a lot like... </p><p>

"Hey, Gracie..." Negan said as he felt a pang of guilt inside of him. </p><p>

Gracie teared up though. </p><p>

"Don't talk to me Negan. I hate you" </p><p>

Gracie turned her back on them and ran away. </p><p>

Rick looked at him as he frowned. </p><p>

"What the hell was that about?" he demanded from Negan. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Crossed paths</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Negan wasn't talking which only enhanced Rick's suspicions.</p><p>"Why does Gracie hate you? What did you do to her?" Rick asked as he crossed his arms above his chest.</p><p>Negan sighed in frustration.</p><p>"Didn't say to Alexandrians that you had turned into a baby, so they thought you were a random kid that I had found and adopted. I called you Richard as a cover-up name. Gracie is also six years old and well...you were classmates. She had feelings for you and vice versa"</p><p>Rick took in a deep breath as he could see where this was going.</p><p>"Do you know that I killed her real father?" Rick asked in anger.</p><p>"W-what?" Negan questioned in shock.</p><p>"Her real father was a Savior. I killed him without knowing he was a father and then found a baby's room. Her name was written on the wall. I took her and Aaron adopted the baby without even second thinking about it. You can see how this returns to you once again, right?" Rick snapped at him.</p><p>"To me?!" Negan demanded "How on earth could I've known that you killed her dad or that he happened to be a Savior? She's upset because she developed feelings and now it is ruined..."</p><p>Rick scoffed at Negan's explanation.</p><p>"Great...you traumatized a little girl for life"</p><p>"Oh, I traumatized her?" Negan asked in anger. "You left her an orphan, to begin with. Was even telling me that you wanted to marry her!"</p><p>"Don't use the lack of remembering against me, alright?" Rick spat out. "You should have known that this was very wrong"</p><p>"What could I do, huh? Lock you in your room with no communication to the outside world?"</p><p>"You could have done something. Anything. Talk to Aaron. He would have found a way to keep Gracie away from me. I was married. To Lori and she died giving birth to Judith. Maggie had to cut her stomach open to save the baby. Don't want anyone else having feelings for me, I had feelings for my wife and it caused me so much pain. Also, you know what? Don't want to be hanging out with you. Get the hell out of Alexandria now"</p><p>Rick went to turn his back on Negan when he grabbed him by the arm roughly.</p><p>"You will talk to me better, Rick" he growled, "you're going to apologize for all that crap you've been saying to me...-"</p><p>"Like hell, I will," Rick said in response as he tried to get away and release his arm.</p><p>"You are not the only one who has suffered losses, Rick. But you're the one who is using them to come on top and look better. That you're a saint or something" Negan snapped at Rick.</p><p>"I am better than you. Don't have to use anything to come on top" Rick replied as his mouth turned to a straight line.</p><p>"Continue being a prick then, Rick. You're doing an excellent job"</p><p>With that, Negan released his arm and walked away from Rick as fast as possible.</p><p>Daryl saw him on his way to the gates and tried to ask what had happened but Negan wasn't in a mood to talk. So he ignored Daryl and went straight to his car.</p><p>Rick had made him feel awful about himself once again. He got in and cried his eyes out as he thought of Lucille. Perhaps he wouldn't be so damn lonely if she hadn't died from cancer.</p><p>Maybe they would have made it in the end and maybe he would have never crossed paths with Rick Grimes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. What we sacrifice</h2></a>
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    <p>When Daryl returned home he found Rick sitting at the house's porch and looking at his hands bitterly.</p><p>"What happened between you two again?" Daryl asked as this was very frustrating for him as well.</p><p>"The usual..." Rick replied grumpily. </p><p>"You know, Rick, I try to understand your point of view but you keep pushing us away. Maybe you should think of our point of view as well. How many things I and Negan had to give up to raise you. I am thankful for Negan. If you're not, then so be it, but I won't be turning against him as well"</p><p>"Not asking you to Daryl but guess me and Negan will never find common ground" Rick replied as he stood up. </p><p>"How to find common ground when you keep pushing him away?" Daryl questioned in exasperation. </p><p>"He let Gracie fall for me when I murdered her father. You find that normal? Because I find it messed up" Rick answered in anger. </p><p>"What I find messed up is that you don't believe he had the best intentions for you. You refuse to think that he did care for you. I had seen it first hand though. He stood up all night by your bed when you were sick or injured. Our reality was that you'd stay like that forever"</p><p>"I am a disappointment then, for both of you," Rick said as he walked back to the house, leaving Daryl feeling alone with very mixed feelings.</p><p>Rick laid on his bed and looked at the dark ceiling. He didn't remember anything of his life these past six years and he didn't know how he was supposed to feel about Negan. </p><p>---</p><p>2 years ago</p><p>Carson sighed as he removed the stethoscope from his ears. </p><p>Negan was looking at him with worry in his eyes. </p><p>Four years old Rick was laying on his bed. He was red-faced and feverish. Had spotty rashes all over his body. </p><p>"He has chickenpox" Carson confirmed his fears. </p><p>Negan felt his eyes stinging. He didn't want his kid to be suffering. </p><p>"It's contagious Negan. Perhaps you shouldn'-" Carson started. </p><p>"Don't even say it, Carson. I am not going anywhere. Will stay right here with him until it passes by because it will. I'll isolate as well if needed. Won't be leaving Rick alone though..." Negan said to him with glassy eyes. He had told Carson the whole truth about Rick. He needed to know because getting reversed might had affected his health as well. </p><p>"I..." Carson said to Negan hesitantly "will try to help you as much as possible. We will deal with this together. No one else has to know"</p><p>Carson gave him a comforting pat on the back and walked to the Infirmary to take some supplies to deal with the kid's fever. </p><p>Rick blinked his blue eyes and looked at Negan. </p><p>"It hurts Dad..." Rick sobbed out. </p><p>Tears rolled down Negan's cheeks as he touched Rick's soft hair trying to comfort him. </p><p>"I know Ricky...I am here for you baby. We will kick the chickenpox's butt...I promise you"</p><p>Rick smiled at him faintly and closed his eyes again.</p>
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<a name="section0053"><h2>53. Lydia</h2></a>
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    <p>"I don't know what to do anymore, Michonne. I am stuck in the middle. I guess I've always been stuck in the middle, even back then when Negan took me as a prisoner. Again it all came down between Negan and Rick. Since adult Rick came back their tension is super high..."</p><p>Michonne let out a sigh as she looked at the empty road ahead of them. She and Daryl had gone out for some horse-riding after a long time. It would both do them good to get some fresh air and talk about their newfound problems that came in the names of "Rick Grimes" and "Negan".</p><p>"I get that you're hurting Daryl to see them like that, but don't think there's much that can be done. Rick's headspace right now is left six years ago when Negan was enemy number one. Negan on the other hand still has that overprotectiveness over Rick, when he's not a kid anymore. That whole thing with Gracie made the tension way worse. I mean, I get that Rick is upset and guilty for killing her father just because he was a Savior. How will he face her now? After getting so close to her? Negan has his right as well though since he couldn't keep them apart"</p><p>"As far as I know, it was either Rick's life or Gracie's father's life. If you ask me, I choose Rick's life. He wasn't a good person. That doesn't necessarily mean that he wouldn't have been a good father, but still. What happened, happened. There's no reversing it. Aaron is Gracie's father as Rick is Judith's. They were the men that stepped up and did what was right, despite the difficulties. That's what makes them "fathers".</p><p>Daryl looked on his left and saw Michonne smiling at him. </p><p>"What...?" he asked as he couldn't understand why she was smiling. </p><p>"You spoke as a true friend. Looks like wisdom does come with time..." Michonne said as she grinned at him. </p><p>Daryl blushed at that but smiled as well. </p><p>"Wish these idiots get it together soon or I'll kidnap them both and I won't let them go until I put some sense to their brains," Daryl said in exasperation. </p><p>Michonne let out a laugh. </p><p>"Perhaps that would do them good," she said jokingly. </p><p>Suddenly the horses started making anxious movements. </p><p>"Easy boy," said Michonne as they heard growls from the close distance. </p><p>They exchanged a glare with Daryl and got off their horses. Daryl got his crossbow ready as Michonne pulled out her katana. </p><p>There in front of them was a wooden bridge and Walkers were coming their way. </p><p>Daryl shot three and Michonne started killing the rest of them. </p><p>One of them started running away. </p><p>"What the hell?" Daryl thought. How could a Walker be running? </p><p>"Stop or I'll shoot" he threatened and the Walker seemed scared. It dropped to its knees and put the hands up in the air. </p><p>"Please don't hurt me" </p><p>Daryl's eyes widened as he walked closer to what he'd thought was a Walker. It was a person though wearing a Walker's mask. </p><p>Michonne came by his side and looked shocked as well. </p><p>She pointed the Katana to the person. </p><p>"Remove the mask right now!" she ordered. The person complied and there was a girl in front of them, around Carl's age with black long hair. </p><p>"Please don't kill me" the girl trembled in fear. </p><p>Daryl grabbed the mask and looked at it with disgust that this girl had been wearing a Walker's skin. </p><p>"Why the hell are you doing that, huh? To blend in?" he demanded. </p><p>"I can't say," the girl said instead of answering. </p><p>Michonne's eyes met Daryl's.</p><p>"Some time locked up and you're gonna say everything" Daryl decided as he grabbed her by the arm and forced her on her feet. </p><p>The girl tried to get away but Michonne put the Katana to her throat. </p><p>"Hey, you try anything and we'll kill you" </p><p>The girl trembled once again but stayed still. </p><p>"Let's go," Daryl said to her decisively.</p>
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<a name="section0054"><h2>54. The enemy within</h2></a>
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    <p>Negan sat on the carpeted floor of his room with a dusty box in front of him. He had so many years to pull it out but he felt that he needed it more than anything right now. Took in a shaky breath and opened it up. It was full of old letters and pictures. He picked one note and read it out loud. </p>
<p>"There's food in the fridge, love ya❤ , Lucille"</p>
<p>Negan felt his eyes tearing up as he traced the drawn heart with his finger. </p>
<p>Closed his eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks. Why did she have to go? Why he had to be such an asshole to her? So many unanswered questions in his mind. He reopened his eyes and instead of Lucille's note he imagined one note that wrote: "We love you Negan, yours, the Grimes family"</p>
<p>Negan sighed as he looked at Lucille's note once again. It was pointless to be daydreaming. Rick didn't care about him. Maybe he wished for his slow and painful death. </p>
<p>He had messed up with both Lucille and Rick. No matter what he did, it would never be good enough. Hell, he had even managed to make a little girl hate him as well. </p>
<p>Negan stood up and dropped himself to his black leather couch. All he wanted to do was to sit there and drown in self-pity. Who knows maybe get drunk as well. He looked at his walkie-talkie and bit his lip. Wanted so bad to call Alexandria and speak to Rick, but the guy didn't want to be seeing him or listening to what he had to say. </p>
<p>His mind drifted to two years ago when Rick had started complaining that he was feeling itchiness all over his body. Turned out he had chickenpox which was contagious since they didn't have a vaccine anymore. </p>
<p>

For two weeks, little Rick had been in pain and with a high fever. Had spent whole nights laying awake by his side and trying to make him more comfortable while being with red rashes all over his body. </p>
<p>How was he supposed to erase his feelings for both kid and adult Rick? There was nothing that excited him anymore. He still had Daryl and Rick's kids but it would never be enough without Rick. </p>
<p>Negan dried his tears and laid there, trying to empty his mind. When he was acting like a jerk there was no thinking required. The problems started when he stopped being one and started thinking. </p>
<p>Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Negan tried to get himself together. He was too pitiful to be a leader of anything. </p>
<p>He stood up and went to open it. Dwight was on the other side, looking worried. </p>
<p>"What happened?" Negan questioned. </p>
<p>"Some of our men found someone in the woods. A man. He was very weakened. Says that he's a doctor. He's at the Infirmary right now, being checked up by Carson"</p>
<p>Negan sighed. He wasn't very fond of strangers but since he was a doctor. They couldn't be found easily. </p>
<p>"What's his name?" he asked Dwight. </p>
<p>"He said that he's called Dante" Dwight replied.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0055"><h2>55. Gone missing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Carl? Carl? Has anyone seen Carl?' </p>
<p>Rick was running at the streets of Hilltop yelling his son's name but no one had seen him. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he didn't know where his son was but was feeling fear inside him. </p>
<p>Negan saw Rick and hurried to him despite the bitterness he was feeling for the other man. </p>
<p>"What happened?" he demanded as he frowned at Rick's distress. </p>
<p>"Can't find my son..." Rick choked out as his blue eyes were teared up. </p>
<p>"Will find him" Negan promised to calm him down "gonna look everywhere..."</p>
<p>Judith saw them and ran to them. </p>
<p>"Judith, oh my God" Rick yelped in relief "you're safe. Have you seen Carl?"</p>
<p>Judith shook her head negatively as both her dad and Negan were looking at her with some hope in their eyes. </p>
<p>"Dad..." she said very unsurely "others are missing as well. Enid, Tara, Frankie, Henry, and some other people that I don't know of personally..."</p>
<p>Negan's eyes widened and exchanged a very worried glare with Rick. </p>
<p>Where the hell were they? </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>One month ago. </p>
<p>Negan walked to the Infirmary to meet the Sanctuary's newcomer. </p>
<p>He got in and saw Carson checking on "Dante" who had laid down on a bed. </p>
<p>Carson looked at him when he entered. </p>
<p>"Have a colleague right here" Carson said to him "it's been ages since I've met another doctor"</p>
<p>"Yes..." Negan replied as he looked at the new guy "they told me. Welcome" he said to Dante as he walked closer to him. </p>
<p>Dante looked up at him as their eyes met. He had a cut above his eyebrow. </p>
<p>"I have to thank you and your men for saving me and killing these Walkers. Thanks to you all I'm still alive. I suppose you're the leader. What is your name sir?"</p>
<p>"I'm Negan and you're welcome" Negan answered as he stared at him. </p>
<p>"I'll be forever grateful then, Negan" Dante replied, "you people are true Saviors..."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0056"><h2>56. Chapter 56</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Carl stay away from that girl, you hear me?" Rick demanded from his son. </p>
<p>"I am not ten dad, you don't get to tell me what I should do!" Carl snapped at his father defensively. </p>
<p>"You will listen to me!" Rick replied as he raised his voice. "The Whisperers are dangerous. Lydia is not for you and she should go back to her psycho mother"</p>
<p>"If I want to be with her, I'll be. I think that the lack of "someone" in your life is messing you up" Carl said in anger. </p>
<p>Rick frowned at his son and felt pain inside of him. </p>
<p>"Who do you suggest I find Carl, hmm? Negan? That you handed me over to do as he damn well pleased? I know that you still see him. All of you do. I am the bad guy for not giving him a chance though"</p>
<p>"Negan is hurting that you don't want to see him. He kept you safe, but you're too ungrateful to see it..." Carl said with bitterness. </p>
<p>Rick's blue eyes turned to icy from how angry he was feeling. </p>
<p>"Go to him then and tell him to become your new father. Bet that he'll love it. I am too old for him but you will fit the role just fine. Maybe become his Savior as well. Who knows maybe you'll put us all on our knees in some years and make us fear for our lives. Get out of here, Carl. Go to Negan for advice" Rick said and Carl felt awful hearing these words coming out of his father's mouth. </p>
<p>Rick opened the front door for him and waited until he would stand up and leave. </p>
<p>Carl did so reluctantly and his father didn't even look at him. He walked out without saying a word and left his father all alone. Rick took a deep breath to keep himself from crying his eyes out as he started closing the door. He looked up and saw Negan passing by. Speak of the devil. </p>
<p>Negan looked at him hesitantly as he was afraid that Rick would kill him if he attempted to move closer. </p>
<p>"Don't know what kind of magic you did to all of them, but I ain't buying it" Rick said to him from his house's front door, loud enough for everyone to hear. </p>
<p>Negan's mouth transformed to a straight line as he walked towards Rick. He wouldn't tolerate this bullshit from him. </p>
<p>"What happened Rick? Did you not sleep well last night and take it out on me?"</p>
<p>"I slept just fine. It's you that makes me distressed. Don't get why you're playing the "good guy". We both know what you are. How you enslaved us...-"</p>
<p>"I enslaved you, huh?" Negan spat out "you killed my guys first. In their sleep. It should have been so much worse for you, but it wasn't"</p>
<p>"I will fight my hardest to get rid of you once and for all" Rick said to him in anger "the Whisperers are a new threat but you'll always be my number one threat"</p>
<p>"The only threat you need to fear of is yourself, Rick. You're losing it. Get checked up soon or I'll make you get checked up!" Negan warned him. </p>
<p>"Get the fuck out of my town Negan" Rick replied as he closed the door to his face, leaving Negan in a state of shock.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0057"><h2>57. Chapter 57</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"He is making me outrageous" Negan growled as Carl had found him and told him all about what his dear ol' dad had been saying. "I should have left him to you. It was a big mistake to be raising him if I knew what I would have to face if he ever reversed back to his adult self"</p>
<p>"I know that he's making you very sad, me too, but we have to be patient with him. He's seeing enemies everywhere around..." Carl said to him. </p>
<p>"If he doesn't end up killing me first," Negan said sarcastically. "I remember him growling at my face that he was gonna do it "not today, not tomorrow"</p>
<p>" Well...now he is saying that you should be my father instead of him..." Carl said as the whole thing was ridiculous. </p>
<p>Negan groaned in frustration. "I already love you as my kids but since he came back he should start acting like a real father again and not throwing his responsibilities to others. Instead, he's trying to push us all away from him"</p>
<p>Carl gave him a comforting pat on his shoulder. </p>
<p>"I know he doesn't mean the things he is saying. He is angry and frustrated" Carl mumbled as he bit his bottom lip. </p>
<p>Negan sighed beside him. "If you want to be with Lydia, kid, then you should be. She seems like a good girl despite her horrible mother. Rick is worried, I get that, but you're an adult. Can make your own decisions, don't need your dad's permission"</p>
<p>"She belongs with them" Carl replied in disappointment "plus she's more into Henry than me..."</p>
<p>Negan looked at him incredulously. </p>
<p>"Pfft...Henry? You're way better than that blonde lover boy..." Negan said in annoyance. </p>
<p>Carl rolled his eyes at that. </p>
<p>"I am not, but thanks anyway. Can't believe that the day would come when I would be discussing my romantic life with you, jeez..." </p>
<p>"If you don't talk about these things with uncle Negan with whom you're gonna discuss them, huh? Rick doesn't have my experience. Plus he's a prick as we both know. So you should come to me..." Negan said teasingly. </p>
<p>"Yeah, I'll not forget it..." Carl replied with sarcasm "you are the first bad guy we've ever met that declared himself as our "uncle". Super weird"</p>
<p>"I won't be adopting you kid so only the uncle is left. Take it or leave it..." Negan told him as he crossed his arms above his chest. </p>
<p>Carl acted like he was thinking about it but a smirk appeared on his face. </p>
<p>"I'll take it," he said eventually and Negan smiled at him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0058"><h2>58. Chapter 58</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Present Day.</p>
<p>Rick was sitting on a chair in front of the fireplace and was sobbing. People were missing and his son as well. Lydia was also nowhere to be seen. Everyone had been looking for them, but with no results. Wanted to go out there, to look everywhere but Daryl and Negan were keeping him from doing so. </p>
<p>"It's way too dangerous Rick, with the first light of day we'll search for them" Daryl had said to him as he was very distressed as well. He decided to take care of Judith and put her to sleep since Rick couldn't do so right now. </p>
<p>Negan approached him slowly and sat down next to him without saying a word. </p>
<p>Rick wiped the tears from his cheeks and looked at him with a sore expression. </p>
<p>"I am a terrible father," Rick said after some moments of silence "you were right all along I guess"</p>
<p>"All I ever did was try to protect you. That was a big crime for you..." Negan said as he took in a deep breath.</p>
<p>Rick shot him a look as he wiped the tears from his cheeks.</p>
<p>"You were hurting me and the people I cared about. Yes, maybe these six years changed you, but I don't remember. Only bits and pieces but nothing much"</p>
<p>"Ok Rick, you hate me" Negan mumbled in exasperation "I got that. We will have a very typical relationship. I care about your kids though, you can't take that from me"</p>
<p>Rick took in a trembling breath. </p>
<p>"If he is ok..." he said in agony. </p>
<p>"He will be fine. Carl knows how to protect himself" Negan replied despite the fear he was feeling as well "he'll come back to his family"</p>
<p>Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Negan stood up to open up. </p>
<p>There was Aaron with Gracie in his arms on the other side. Daryl had said to come to stay with them for the night. It'd be safer that way since they could find out what happened. </p>
<p>"Hey..." Aaron said as he entered the house and looked at both Negan and Rick. </p>
<p>"Hi Aaron" Rick replied as he stared back at them. No one was happy since there were people they cared about that had gone missing. Aaron let his daughter down and Gracie looked at Rick cautiously, afraid to get closer. </p>
<p>"Won't you say something to Rick?" Aaron asked her gently. </p>
<p>Gracie approached Rick slowly and sat down beside him. She had grown tired but she didn't want to sleep yet. </p>
<p>"So, are you truly my friend...?" she asked Rick. </p>
<p>Rock smiled at her sadly. </p>
<p>"I was your friend, Gracie, that's the truth" he explained "I can still be a friend of yours if you'd like. Your father is a very good friend of mine..."</p>
<p>Negan stared at them and felt emotional. He decided to retire to his room though to hide how bad he was feeling. </p>
<p>Gracie looked at the fire that was moving in front of them. </p>
<p>"I miss "Richard," she said with a grievance. "He got me. I felt safe with him..."</p>
<p>Rick let out a heavy sigh as he exchanged a look with Aaron. </p>
<p>"I know you did, Gracie, and I'm sorry that I'm not him. I am sure that there will be someone else in your life later on that will make you feel as safe as Richard did" he said to her gently. </p>
<p>Gracie wrapped her arms around his waist and Rick hugged her back. </p>
<p>"I am sorry that Carl is missing. It must be very hard..." she mumbled with sadness. </p>
<p>"He'll be ok," Rick told her as he held himself to not burst into tears "they'll all be..."</p>
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